I'll blog if you blog

Lindsey says we need to write more. I'll admit I am still catching up from last year and post dating like crazy. I have a lot of work to do. But I also pointed out that she hasn't really posted since returning to the states. Exactly, she says. So we blog.

For the record I hate the word blog. It sounds like a yucky cold symptom. As in "he sounded so blogged up when I talked to him on the phone." Or it could be a description for when you are feeling scrubby. As in "I ran to the store after working out. I looked like a total blog when I ran into an old boyfriend."

As usual though, I am having a hard time feeling inspired with this forced writing feeling. I have some good topics I want to write about, but I'm just not feeling it right now. So what else?

Well, for starters I am writing in the bathroom. (ew, that's so bloggy). Jason and Mason are out exploring in the rhino with the Johnson boys. Later they are all going to a basketball game at the University. I started trimming Eli's hair until I felt regretful and stopped. Now he's in the bath and I'm typing and supervising. Most people would see Eli and be of the opinion that his shaggy hair is still in need of a trim. At least now it's out of his eyes and not past his neck anymore. Eli started hating the bath a few days ago. Today I put him in first and then turned on the water. It seems to have done the trick and he's contentedly playing.

I can always write about food. I made Hawaiian haystacks last night for the first time. I've been craving leftovers all day. Actually all night as well. I worked until midnight and when I got home I had a serious debate with myself about eating again at that late hour. I guess I lost since I went to bed without. Janett and Brady came over for dinner and brought delicious homemade strawberry lemonade. It was amazing. I wonder if it is normal to love food so much.

A while back we had a Chinese dinner complete with chop sticks and fortune cookies. It is fun to have Mason grown up enough to be interested when I show him where China is on the map and to talk about different cultural things. Eli devoured each egg rolls in two bites. He is an eating machine.  Mason earnestly tried to use the chop sticks. He is so determined. They make dinner time entertaining, that is when I'm not pulling out my hair in frustration as Eli stuffs his face and makes a huge mess and Mason eats like a bird and just wants to be done.

*Eli is putting his face under the running water and then looking at me and acting shocked until I laugh. Then he smiles and laughs and does it again.*

Mason's favorite food is Otter Pops. He asks to have two, which I don't let him because one always melts and makes a mess. So now he asks for "two but one at a time". I can be okay with that. He will bring me an Otter Pop, scissors, and a wash cloth. My job is to cut it open and then wrap it up so his hands don't freeze.

Here's a food picture for you. We had extra cottage cheese left over from making stuffed shells. Eli had eaten everything else in the house so I dished some up for him. Cottage cheese is not a food I can eat plain and feeding him was making me gag. Mason offered to help out and cheerfully fed his little brother.

In unrelated news, I decided to give up being a slacker mom for Lent. It's a bit harder to track than other years when I've given up meat or chocolate but it needs to be done. The other day Mason came in while I was reading my scriptures and asked what I was reading about. "Robbers". What are they stealing, he asked. It suddenly occurred to me that he is old enough to read what I read, not just the basic scripture stories that we stick to. So he sat with me while I paraphrased each verse into understandable words. I decided we need to do it together every day. The next day we got to the part where the bad guy is hung in a tree. I hesitated there since that's pretty violent for a 3 year old. Mason didn't seem bothered by it, asked a couple questions, and then asked "then what?"

Mason likes the story of Samuel the Lamanite and will flip to that picture in his scriptures. He will show me the bad guys that are shooting arrows, laugh, and say "but they missed" like it's the biggest joke.

We went out to Three Peaks yesterday. Despite the rough offroading in the rhino, Mason quickly fell asleep in the back. Even Eli dozed off and on. After a couple hours we got out to play on the rocks. I love the cool rock formations we have in this area.

During one of my early psychology classes at college I learned about how Australian aborigines would just take off into the bush. Walkabouts, as they are called, involved few supplies, solitude, and introspection. They were both spiritual journeys and tests of survival. The goal was enlightenment and self actualization. Okay, I don't know how much of this is the white man's opinion on what was happening, but I fell in love with this idea and started planning my adventure. I picked an area out west of town in the desert and planned to be gone 3-4 days. I figured I'd take a knife and some kind of empty water container and that's it. I learned about edible plants, shelters, and how to create a green house effect on desert plants to create enough condensation to get drinking water. I added a plastic bag to my supply list. I spent time thinking about the dangers of rattlesnakes, big cats, and dehydration. I couldn't wait. And then- I didn't do it. I never actually decided against it. I simply didn't do it. I didn't make time for it or schedule it in. (side note: scheduling a walkabout is probably not how it's supposed to happen, but I didn't want to freak out my family, co workers, and roommates by just wandering off). Life went on. I got engaged, married, and then we started moving all over the nation. Had a baby. Then another.

Yesterday I sat on the knobby rock watching hawks float above me while the spring sun unsuccessfully tried to warm me up. I eyed a little indent in one of the rock formations and started planning on how I could turn it into a shelter if I had picked this spot as my temporary desert home. I considered a small muddy section of ground that was moistened by water seeping from the rock and wondered how late into the season it would stay wet. Suddenly I realized that I will never have my walkabout. I will never live alone in the desolation, even for a few days. I will not have hours of silence to think about my life and my purpose. This new life is the adventure I have chosen. And you don't wander away from your family in hopes of achieving some greater understanding of life. You stay in the trenches and grow in ways you never dreamed possible. I have discovered so much about myself by how I handle the 100th time a kid throws food across the room. I see the world so differently just by looking through a child's eyes. I hope someday my family will be interested in doing survival trips together. Until that day, just getting to church on time feels pretty extreme. 

I thought I was done on this topic but there is a little voice in my head that keeps whispering "But you did leave them. You do value your own adventures more than anything, even being together."

I don't know how to explain this, but it's partly true. I do leave sometimes. I didn't intentionally plan it this way, but when each of my babies was around 10 months old, I left. As in, out of the country left. When Mason was a baby we went to Ireland. And a few months back I left baby Eli and when to The Netherlands. Is it any different? I wouldn't say they were abandoned in any way. Both times my mom took the baby and this latest time Jason took Mason to a family reunion at the lake. I wouldn't even say that I "needed to get away". It was more like there was an opportunity that I didn't think would present itself again. Is it any different? Is traveling to the other side of the world any better than walking out into the wilderness? All things considered it might be safer to stay local and camp out compared to so much travel, transportation, strange cities, language barriers,  and sleeping in airports as I tried to get back. Is it any different? I like to think it is. Even though I do leave, I cannot wait to get back. I value adventure and travel, but not more than being together. When my family is not together it physically hurts. I suppose the question is will I do it again?

So there we go. Haircuts and boys. Food and robbers. Rocks and airplanes. That is a pretty good snapshot of my life. 

Three Peaks fun day

Jason got a half day off work. We wanted to make the most of the rare wonderful spring weather so we did our favorite thing: we headed out to explore.

We went to Three Peaks in the rhino. It was still pretty chilly so we did our best to bundle up the boys.  For most of the time Eli dozed while I wore him in a baby sling, covered in a coat and blanket.

When he was up and wanting to be looking around, we found the best way was to squish in the backseat while Jason drove (like a mad man). My job is to make sure they don't smash their melons together. I was surprised at how content the kids are when we are out driving around. Mason sleeps or just hangs out. They do really well. But every now and then they need to run around. After a while we stopped to stretch and we climbed around on rocks. Mason and Jason played Marco Polo and we laughed and laughed as Mason yelled "pollo", pronouncing it like you would in Spanish. By the end of the afternoon the boys just wanted to sit and throw rocks while we loaded up.

Quinns

Mason (and Eli of course) got a new baby cousin last week. Andy and Emily are the proud parent's of Little Avery Quinn. Mason is proud to share her middle name. Auntie Ashley is just bummed she had a cold the whole time they were in town and didn't get to hold her.

love Love Day

Valentines Day will forever be one of my favorite days of the year. Not the dumb commercial stuff or obligatory gifts. We skip that stuff and just focus on the LOVE.  I love it. I love telling people I love them. I have a lot of love going on. And as Mason often asks "why do we have so many families?".  I feel one of our biggest blessings is an abundance of people to love and to be loved by.

Love Mason's pure glee as he got his first class valentines. We made cute "smarty pants" valentines for him but I forgot to take a picture.

Love doing projects with the kids for every occasion. And double love the use of vegetables.

Love how a pad of heart shaped sticky notes is all it takes to 1. make a boy happy and 2. decorate the house.

Love monkeys. Of course.

Love food. This year we went for appetizers and made stuffed mushrooms, twice baked potatoes, deviled eggs, stuffed shells, and grilled eggplant. Some days you just need to use up the produce :)

And love babies in boots. Nothin' but boots.

Where are the pictures of my main man? I don't know. I think I have some good ones of him covered in drywall dust, which is his latest fashion. I'll post them in a bit.

Love to all,
ash

Kids, Weather, and Questions

One day they're playing with the neighbors in the snow... five days later...playing in the mud.

Ready?

Are you all alive?

 

Tasty?

Is it almost spring yet?
Is that my whisk?

Tasty??

MEDIC! (for scouts)

We asked our friend Brian if he wouldh help us with some first aid instruction for our scouts. Brian went above and beyond! Not only did he do a great job teaching the boys, he also brought CPR dummies, and an ambulance. Yeah, that's right. Le-GIT!

Here he is strapping Ezra in. That kid didn't want to ever get up.

Mason was completely engrossed with everything Brian did or said. He was quiet and so well behaved. (Later I had to talk to Mason about somethings that he took too literally or didn't understand.) 

 

Since their brother was getting the tour, I had to grab the girls and invite them to the party.

Dauvey Doo and Mason Magoo.

THANK YOU SO MUCH BRIAN!
Also, thanks to funny neighbors who overreact at the sight of an ambulance. 

now breathe

Even though I declared January to be stress-free and project-free I forgot to tell the rest of the world. Oh well. This month we had my Dad's retirement party and Emily's baby shower and the preparations took all month. In the middle of planning and preparation, Amy was hospitalized for a bit. Even though there wasn't a terrible amount of things to be done, it seemed to be a pretty packed month. Even just the waiting for the week to arrive seemed to make each day busy and full.

At last, it's all over. It was a wonderful weekend and certainly worth all the work. Dad's party was over the top. A horse and wagon transported him from work to the church. We decorated the gym for the party. There he was greeted by friends, family, co workers, and representatives from the church. They had a musical number, tributes, plaques from the First Presidency and the LDS Family Services Commissioner, presents, and FOOD! April, his amazing secretary, planned a huge luau. My projects were Grand kid interviews and a video slide show. At the end Mom arranged for a bag pipe performance and gave Dad a four wheeler to ride home on.

Friday night we had an adult only dinner for relatives at Dad's favorite place, Sizzler. Nate pointed out we've never gone out to eat with just the adults before. It was nice, but I ate way too much at the luau to be hungry. This day was also our wedding anniversary so we jokingly thanked everyone for coming for the special occasion.

Uncle Larry, Aunt Dorian, and Misty stayed with us. They are the easiest guests and so delightful to be around. I'm trying to come up with more reasons they should come visit. Perhaps I can convince them to stay permanently.

Saturday was Emily's baby shower. She's probably the most gorgeous pregnant girl ever. It's been a hard pregnancy for her and we can't wait for her little girl to arrive. So we had more family and friends gather at Kristi's for brunch. She was given some amazing gifts, especially meaningful blankets. One was made by Grandma's sister, Hazel, who had gone blind. She would count the stitches and then at the end of a row would move a bean from one pocket to the other so that she could keep track of the rows and know when to change colors.

All in all it was wonderful. I'm also glad it's over. I'm tired ;)
Since I can't even think about hooking up my camera, here's a picture that I already had on my computer from the slide show. I love it.

Mom (pregnant with Nate) and Dad. Kristi, Ben, Lisa, and Dave.

I'm over it

Well, it's January 2nd. I got online and after about 3 minutes decided I am SO over New Years. Actually, I guess I never really got into it to begin with.

CELEBRATION: We didn't do anything. Of all the options nothing sounded as good as staying home, being together, and getting some sleep. Though I usually really get into holidays, I didn't even mention anything to Mason other than to let him know the next day was a new year so he would be going to his new class at church. Oh, and I gave him two packs of POPS which he delightfully threw on the porch in complete satisfaction. Some of the Starr fam: Jeff, Necia, Joss, and Joe came over. We visited. Ate. The kiddos played. Then they went home and we went to bed. It was just what I needed after such a crazy December. It was peaceful and effortless. I definitely mark it as the best New Years yet.

RESOLUTIONS: I see several blogs boasting this as the year for "Organization", "Simplicity", "Taking over the world one craft at a time", or "Continuing to be the best at everything". I know I may sound lame but I am just not that interested in conquering the world this year. I don't have some big defining goal summed up in one all inclusive word pasted in a cute font. I always have things I want to improve on but resolutions, in January, seem so cliche. That's why I started working out in December (snort. True,  but that sure sounds superior.) If you weren't doing something yesterday, why would you start today just because of the date on the calendar? If your motivation is the date, no wonder most resolutions FAIL.

Perhaps it's that I'm not looking for Big Change. I really like life as it is. It's not perfect but just a little more of some things and a little less of others and we're about there.

Must I list something? Fine. Then I resolve not to bite off more than I can chew... for at least two months. No big projects, overhauls, or special causes. December flat out down right wore me out. So I resolve to take it easy for a bit. Take THAT, ambition.

The End...of 2011

Christmas is over and the New Year is just around the corner. It's time to look back at 2011. It seemed to go by very fast. I remember Mason's first year going by so slow. That was probably due to severe lack of sleep so in actuality this year went by so fast because I slept through so much more of it!

This year we had our 5th wedding anniversary. Jason turned 29, Mason turned 3, I turned 27, and Eli turned one. It was a year of starts. Mason started ICSD pre-school and started riding the bus. I started working for SkyWest again, but this time at the Cedar City station. Jason started working for Timberline Cabinets. Eli started slobbering and still hasn't stopped. He also started crawling, walking, climbing, and causing general destruction.

It was a year of changes. For the first summer EVER we didn't move to some random state for a 4 month adventure. Instead we grew a garden, went to parades, and spent a lot of time at the ranch. We sold our Chevy. Jason traded his Vulcan for a Rhino (talk about a bargain). I had my appendix out. Eli got stitches. Mason went from a toddler bed, to a new toddler bed, to a twin bed, to a new twin bed. Sometimes he even sleeps there.

We continue to be in charge of the 11 year old scouts for our tri-ward area. We have a really great group of boys right now. Mostly because they show up and think we're cool. Maybe it's the fire building they think is cool. Jason is also the ward mission leader.  It still blows his mind that the full time missionaries can text. This is Mason's last month in nursery. In January he'll go to Primary. Eli...sort of hates church and we spend most of the time out in the hall.

Life is good. We're happy and healthy. 2011 was pretty darn good. Here's to 2012!

Project: December

 Twas the month before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring except for ME. Many late nights, nap times, and a few early mornings (I'll be the first to admit I am not a morning person) were devoted to random projects. I was very glad to get Mason's and Eli's stockings done in time for the Big Night. I started making quilted stockings in high school and then a couple years ago learned how to make the crazy quilt design like these ones. (Krystal and Kira both adjusted to the process much much more naturally). I've only made one a year for the past two years so I was behind. They don't actually take that long, it's just not a kid friendly activity. To show my favorite part, check out the decorative top stitching. I love my sewing machine.

Project time out: What do you do when your son yells that he got his head stuck in the banister?
A. Help him immediately like any good parent would
B. Grab a camera
C. Laugh and shout for your spouse to come see/laugh

I did all these things but in order of C, B, and then eventually A.

Another big project was helping Mom make a cook book that contained her mother's family famous recipes.

 Also, not a project that should have taken very long. The final product was different than what either of us had in mind when we started. Also, Grandma's cursive might as well been Egyptian. I couldn't decipher a lot of it, so Mom would translate as we went. I was very proud that we got the books done and shipped with time (okay, less time that we were aiming for) to spare. 

I look like a total goon here but there is a reason I'm so happy. I've been promising Jason a denim quilt since before we were married. To my credit, I've worked on it a bit here and there all these years, as has my mom for a quilt for Dad. This year was the year to git er done. Well, not really really. We both only completed the quilt tops. But at least they look like blankets now. Kinda.

My friend Kira organized a Kid Activity exchange. Awesome idea. Each mom makes one activity a bunch of times and then we swap so each mom has a whole box of different fun things for the kiddo.  If I remember right the rules were make an activity for a 2-4 year old, it should fit in a ziploc bag (any size) and shouldn't cost a ton, like around a dollar each. I was bummed to see that some activities were card packs from the dollar store, but that still technically fits the rules. Most the activities we got were fun and creative. I made activity blocks with pictures to help suggest an imagination game. I typed up a direction sheet with tips and variations. Cool right? yeah, Lisa's been making these for years. Jason, as usual, saved the day by making the cubes at work out of scrap lumber so my cost was pretty much just time. 

I think that just about wraps up the month. I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but some things we block out on purpose. Oh, I discovered "White Trash" snack mix and sure tried hard to replicate Christina's awesome recipe. Sorry to the neighbors that received the proof that I didn't succeed.  I'll have to compile a Santa picture post. No joke, he showed up at our church party, and Mason's school, Home Depot, and even at our very own house on Christmas Eve. He even sent Mason some personalized emails. Seriously? Seriously! Love love love the holidays. Honestly, mostly love when they are over. No wonder it's hard to focus on the real meaning of Christmas when there is so much going on.

So on that cheery note, Love from Jason and Ashley

More of our December

Here are a few more pictures of this month:
 

Grandma and Grandpa Starr spoiled the kids with the 12 Days of Christmas this year. They loved it, although sometimes it was hard for Mason to wait One More Whole Day to open another present.

Jason and Eli at the Heaton Christmas program:

Can you believe it? Mason got a train set for Christmas. Santa would have been in big trouble if he hadn't delivered on this one toy that Mason wanted most.

I'm pretty sure Eli started Christmas morning off wearing clothes, but like most days quickly ends up like this:

Speaking of clothes, guess what happens when you show up at Grandma Starr's house without what she thinks are appropriate winter clothes? She shares! I love these awesome outfits the boys played in.

 

 

 

 

 

some times I think in headlines and captions

She drove down main street, covered in blood and tacos. (Eli got stitches tonight.)

Nuclear Fallout Destroys Migrating Birds, Carcasses Carpet the Town. (No, it wasn't from nuclear fallout but that what my first assumption was.)



Shattered Window Shatters Family's Dreams for Christmas. (Okay, also not really. But a broken window can sure make your Saturday suck.)

Certainly, there were many things he loved about her but all he could think of was her stir fry.  (Yes, it's that good.)

Utah Woman Breaks Record for Longest Time without Bathroom Break! (Ever feel like you are too busy to stop for a potty break? I don't think I'd ever come close to breaking that record though.)

Airline Employees Enjoy Warmer Weather as Temps Reach 20 Degrees Fahrenheit! (Last weekend's 11 degrees wasn't so bad compared to other mornings).

Christmas Card 2011

Approach Avoidance

I SHOULD BE: doing the dishes, writing Christmas cards, finishing 20 activity blocks, preparing a joy school lesson, sewing a quilt, typing a family address list, planning my secret santa gift for work, making an ugly sweater, making pies for the preferred not-an "ugly sweater party", sweeping up the saw dust from Jason's latest construction project downstairs, making a kid song CD, creating a flannel board for my boys, or cancelling my newspaper subscription since they increased the rates too much.

INSTEAD I AM: cleaning out closets and under beds, downloading audio books for Jase, watching "Crash" (edited) and crying over it. I forgot what the holidays to do me.

Holding on and letting go

Another one of Mason's awesome self portraits.

What a week. Sometimes it's just hard to be a parent. In so many situations lately I've been struggling with the fine line between taking care of Mason and letting Mason take care of himself. Helping him or holding him back. Letting him learn or shielding him from hurt. I have had an increased awareness of his independence. It didn't help to get a call from Mason's preschool teacher. We're worried, she said. Not happy with his progress. Still not where he should be with his speech. Let's try four days a week.

I don't think she expected anything other than pleasant compliance. She didn't realize how my mom-brain works. Increasing his attendance to four days a week now and then probably when he's four years old too and then he'll be in Kindergarten and then he's pretty much off to college and his childhood is gone in the blink of an eye. Call me crazy but I'm not feeling ready to jump on that train so quickly. It's strange, I know, but I really enjoy being with my kids. When people offer to watch the kids to give me a break I think, how about I keep the kids and you do my dishes?

The whole week was spent asking questions, getting opinions, praying, talking to Mason, to Jason, to anyone that would lend an ear or advice. Am I making a big deal out of this? Absolutely.

Mason loves school. I love the teachers and speech therapists. But I don't like being apart. I don't like worrying about him while he's gone. I don't like his behavior later on school days. But I also don't like how frustrated he gets when someone doesn't understand him. Lately he'll say "I did say that" or "you aren't listening to me" or he'll just give up and cry.

Mason's speech is getting better. Remember when he used to sing "see naz baz" for Jingle Bells? Now it sounds like "See No Bears" which I think is pretty dang good. I can understand him 90% of the time, first try. But few others speak Masoneese. This week he fell and hurt his face. Everyone has been asking him what happened. Either he won't even respond, because what's the point? or he tells them and I then get that blank "what did he say" expression sent my way. No one's fault, just evidence there is a need for help.

I had almost made up my mind to do 4days a week. Then on Wednesday Mason stopped me at the door on the way to the school bus. He told me he wanted to do it by himself and I needed to wait at the front door. WHAT??? I wanted to say "You are three. I'm supposed to walk you to the bus/brush your teeth/tuck you in/never let you out of my sight." Instead I coolly shrugged and pretended that was fine with me. Mason has to crawl up the first step on the bus because he's so little for Pete's sake. He puts his underwear on backwards half the time. What does that have anything to do with it? Everything, obviously.

I read an article about how parents are doing too much for their children and basically destroying society by doing so. Do I do too much for Mason? Absolutely. Am I going to change that? Maybe. I want him to be strong. Independent. Happy. I want him to make his own choices. I hope he really screws up big time while I am still around to give him a hug. I want him to understand work. I want him have pride in his accomplishments, but not because anyone told him "well done".

I remember when he was a newborn and life was really hard. We were living in Minneapolis, my body hurt, nursing was a disaster, and I didn't have my huge family to rescue me. Oh how Mason cried and cried. I remember talking to Amy and telling her "I thought love would be enough". I really thought that because I love him more than my own life that everything else would work out. I thought I would be an excellent mother and that our days would be spent with him sleeping on my chest while I read. Or that he would love to see the wonderful world I was introducing him to. Instead he just cried. And cried.

I guess I still think that love should be enough. I love you (to the moon and back as he says) so you shouldn't ever get hurt, be sad, have struggles, or misbehave.

Once again I have a lot to write about but hardly anything by way of a conclusion. After contemplating pulling him out of school all together I've decided to go ahead and try the double school time. I've made it clear to everyone this is just a 30 day trial and I keep whispering to myself "you're the mom, you're the mom". My neighbor, his speech therapist, pulled me aside at church today and assured me that his progress would skyrocket. Well it better or I want his childhood back.

Today Mason made me smile a hundred times. No matter what heartache we have over our children, it is always always still worth it. He held the door open for me at church. He did his funny little sneaky dance that he knows makes me laugh. He surprised me by reciting my cell number, which I didn't know he knew. And he fell asleep in my arms tonight as I read from the "A Story to Tell" book.

I'm going to go play my favorite game now. It's called "sneak into their room and be filled with awe as I gaze at my sleeping kids". Best game ever.