parenting means you do stuff

Like my very intelligent title? Sorry, it's the best I can do on the amount of sleep I'm getting.

I just wanted to record a few little thoughts this morning on parenting.

I'm not talking about the big hard decisions we make. I'm not talking about the truly heartbreaking ordeals that many parents go through. I'm talking about being a parent every day.

Like getting up. I'm not a morning person. I'd love to get up super early and have everything done before the family arises. But instead I sleep every extra minute I can. Jason is long gone for work by the time the kids stir. When the first one starts making noise, and this is usually Eli, I drag myself out of my insanely comfortable bed and we begin.

Sometimes I feel that the days are a blur; each one starting the same way: "morning sunshine" to a toddler who is so pleased to see me that he's giggling and flopping all over his crib. And my days end the same way: "night night little Starr" as I put him in his crib and he sighs in satisfaction and smiles. It feels like I'm always doing those two things, as if each bedtime just happened 30 minutes ago and the rest of the day was on fast forward.

Sometimes I feel that the days last forever. I love the saying, "parenting is composed of long days and short years". When the kids are in bed at night I find myself sitting, on the couch/bed/floor, just sitting trying to find enough energy to go to bed. It seems like those days are about 80 hours long.

As a parent, you do stuff. Like get up when you'd rather not and keep doing the same things over and over. Maybe some people easily do this on their own once they've 'grown up' but I know that for me, the kids push me a little more than I would otherwise push myself. And it's a hard and wonderful thing.

***

(long whiny story goes here)

Last night I went to work and then the grocery store. After talking to Amy for a while I came home and put away the food. Within five minutes the house was in an uproar. Eli was crying hard and I couldn't figure out know why. He woke up Jason, who is sick and was sent back to bed. Then Eli woke up Mason who started crying really really hard. I tried holding and comforting each son, but even with my ever expanding stomach separating them, they were not pleased to be sharing mommy with the other. I finally got hysterical Mason calm enough I could leave him long enough to get Eli a drink. After he drank about a gallon of milk he started up again. The familiar question "How am I ever going to do three?" ran through my head. Finally Eli begged for bed and I was able to focus on Mason. He said his eyes hurt, his throat hurt, his toes hurt. Mason, when feeling poorly, is a hard case. You'd think he was dying before your eyes. It's safe to say he is a wee bit dramatic. I finally calmed him down with a throat lozenge and a glow stick. When we went to put him in bed Eli woke up again. I'm pretty sure there are a half dozen really good reasons not to let your tiny children sleep with glow sticks but I couldn't think of one as they contentedly went back to sleep in their own radioactive glow. I got ready for bed and Jase woke up enough to see if everything was okay. I could tell he was really not feeling good, which is always concerning with him because he rarely gets sick. When he does it's something major. I rudely opted out of his embrace and spent the next 10 minutes rearranging pillows trying to find a position that didn't hurt my back, hips, or babe. Not easy to do. Finally found a comfortable arrangement when Mason started crying. Up again, helped him open his water bottle, and back to bed. When I stretched out this time, Little Mister Fetus decided it was time to Zumba. He's got some amazing moves. Even after he calmed down, I just couldn't sleep. I thought about all I need to do to go to the ranch this weekend, all I need to do for my calling in primary, all I need to do to organize our summer schedule, all I need to do to prepare for a new kid, all I need to do to end world hunger. Then I do what I often do and "run through the list". I start with my oldest sibling, consider how he is doing, how our relationship is doing, what I can do to help. Then I go on to the next one and the next one. Perhaps I should blame my insomnia on my parents for having so many kids.And now I have Jason's family to "run through" and my own kids as well.

This morning I don't remember much about Jason leaving, just that he was still feeling rough and telling him to take leftover chicken for lunch. Before I knew it I looked at the clock. Hours had sped by and Mason's school bus was minutes from arrival. THIS moment inspired this post. I thought, forget it. It's the second to last day of school. He's probably getting sick too. I am so darn tired. Let's just forget it. Then the parent in me thinks, do it. Get up and do it. He can do it if you help him. He loves school and it's where you've committed to send him.

Though it's sad dressing a four year old while he's still fast asleep and demonstrating the coordination of a rag doll, it's what I do most mornings anyway. This morning he was dressed and eating in two minutes. I slid on his shoes while his sleep heavy eyes examined his breakfast. He actually got ready so fast we had a few minutes to talk and cuddle. I was afraid he'd fall back asleep. Mason was abnormally sweet and it was nice to do this part of the day without screaming or fits. The bus' arrival ended our morning prayers and he went to the door saying "I love you mom". From the porch I always wave and then sign I LOVE YOU as the bus leaves. He did the same back and then let his little hand linger on the window. THIS little act made every struggle of the past 12 hours worth it.

Whoever says parenting is a thankless job is not paying attention.

Eli has slept in over an hour but now I can hear him talking and playing. I will go get him now, he'll act like it's Christmas to see me, and my heart will burst all over again.

My summary: Parenting means you do stuff. Especially when you don't want to. And the same stuff repeated a thousand times. And it's worth it. And I'm so grateful for every part of it.

Green toes, ways to die, and I'm really tired

I mowed the lawn yesterday. Front and back. With Jason protesting the whole time. With each row I alternated between love for spring and the outdoors and hate for who ever thought it was such a good idea to lay so much sod (it was me).

Favorite things about mowing the lawn: Being outside. Moving. Completing a task where you can clearly see what needs to be done, how to do it, witness your progress, and have such rewarding and immediate results. It's not laundry. The lovely smell. And that it makes my feet green.

I know you shouldn't mow bare footed or in flips but it completes the experience. So if you ever hear that all my toes were severed you can say "hm, musta been mowing the lawn silly girl". And if you ever hear I've been in a bizarre car wreck, just know it's because I sneezed. Sneezing while driving is so dangerous! I'm certain this will be the cause of my demise. This is something I think about almost daily. 

I want to be more active and enjoying this wonderful weather. But a little bit more than that, I'm really tired. Really really exhausted. And my back hurts. So do my hips. My abs are pretty much absent for the duration. I'll confess that I wake up every morning conspiring how I can sneak in a little more rest that day.

So why aren't you in bed, one might ask? Because sleeping at night is apparently not what this baby wants me to do. Ever. From the beginning I haven't been able to sleep at night. Then there was the bladder stage. Then the morning night sickness stage. Then the crazy hip pain stage which has lessened considerably. Now we have the "getting kinda big" stage mixed with the "why do I work such stupid hours" stage.

Somebody call the Waaaaambulance, right?

Actually I wanted to write this because I'm really excited for the 3am feeding stage. And then the learning to walk stage. And the copy everything big brothers do stage. And the wrestling and the teaching and the cuddling. And then, with all the kids we'll hit the "I don't need you Mom" stage and I will smile bravely and privately cry a little and still sneak in to peak at them at night. And then someday we'll hit the "Mom, I really need you"stage and I will smile lovingly and privately think "I know" and keep trying to be the best mom I know how to be.

On my mind

Mason (the son) hid the jelly beans from Jason (the father) so he wouldn't eat them all. I know Jase will read this so I shouldn't say it, but it's been so entertaining watching him search for the candy. I honestly don't know where they are and Jason really REALLY wants some jelly beans.

 

Today at the grocery store a woman told me that Eli was so darling he belonged on a cereal box. I guess that is how you know if you are cute, if you make an appearance on a cardboard container for processed/fortified breakfast food. It struck me as funny and I smirked for a good hour. Also, it's hard not to think you have the most gorgeous children when strangers are constantly gushing over them and commenting on their features. All. The. Time. 

 

I talked on the phone with my Uncle Larry for a very long time today. I know, without a doubt, I have the best family on earth. I need to make more of an effort to stay close and connected, but there are a lot of us and it's hard. I'm not joking when I say I have 4 reunions a summer plus two work weekends which are just like reunions but without a talent show. Actually, seeing the skills my Uncles have is pretty much like a talent show. (My dad has a talent for getting tractors stuck. I love that about him. Optimism proven.)

 

I love PB and J sandwiches, but lately just like them with one piece of bread. I went to type "open faced" but I wasn't sure that was a common term. In my family we have some strange terms. Don't worry, I Googled it and it's really something other people say too. So I love open faced PB & J sandwiches.

On another food topic, I heard it takes something like 50 gallons of sap to make one gallon of maple syrup. I don't know where I heard this but I have been feeling astonished ever since. 

Did you hear the one about the pilot that woke up from a nap and saw Venus and thought it was a plane coming towards him so he dramatically saved everyone on board by dive bombing the plane towards the ocean? (Ironically there was a plane below them and he could have caused a real collision).  This story has fascinated me and I keep looking into it. I now know a lot more about pilot rest regulations and star orbit patterns. Did you know if you are going to nap it's best to sleep less than 45 minutes or more than an hour and a half if you want to avoid a case of the groggies? And every night that I work I look at Venus and smile. Good one, Venus. 

 

I still love Bountiful Baskets. We eat a much greater variety of healthy foods than we would otherwise. This week will be a challenge to use everything we got. Usually there is one or maybe two unusual items. This week we have jicima and beets. Eli and I ate one of the mangoes today. He just kept chomping and smiling. I will eat the three artichokes alone. Poor me. I am SO very sad that no one else likes them. NOT. The pineapple and bananas still need a day or two. 

I need to post this story on Mason's blog but I'll put it here too. The other day we were reheating some stir fry for dinner. Mason started specifying what he wanted in his bowl. "Oh carrots, I love those kind. And lots of broccoli Mom. Broccoli is my favorite. And some protein!" he said, pointing to the chicken. 

 

I finished reading Esther's Children. I am struck by two things. One, I am so grateful to live in a time when we don't have to have the trial of disease with us as prominently as just a few decades ago. There were so many stories filled with typhoid, whopping cough, polio, and many unknowns. As a parent I always have a deep fear that it's something worse when a child gets sick. I can't imagine living with those kind of threats to life and health. I feel like my testimony of immunizations was strengthened! The other thing that I learned was the simple yet divine pattern of faith. Trial, prayer, answer. Tribulation, fasting, resolution. Illness, blessing, miracle. Story after story followed the pattern. 

This is the last night Mason will be three. At bedtime I told him stories about him when he was born and what I remembered about each birthday. He is so excited for tomorrow. He fell asleep smiling. (Then I fell asleep too. I am very grateful for a husband who will find me where ever I've passed out to wake me up so I can get to work on time. ) I could say how unbelievable it is that I have a child this old or how fast time has gone by. Really I just want to say how much I love him. I love getting to know him more each day. I am so excited to get to witness his development and life. I love the gradual growth and the sudden revelations.

And now that all of that is out of my head I think I will sleep a little better.

 

the need to read

(enjoy some images from pinterest)

 

This pin came with the caption "kindles don't have this kind of magic". While I agree, Lindsey lent me her's and it was pretty rockin'.

My midwife and I have a funny relationship. Most of the time we talk about alternative cooking methods, emergency preparedness, food storage calculators, cannery night, and our families. Sometimes we talk about babies. When I was expecting Eli we were talking about books along those same themes. I recommended Alas Babylon and The Patriots. She said if I wanted a really good read to check out the Great and Terrible Series. I told her I don't have time to read anymore, especially a whole series, so unless she put me on bed rest I'd just be putting that recommendation on my reading list.

About six months later we were at the ranch and Mariah had left her copy of the first book there. I stole it, devoured it, and was hooked. These books are great. It's hard to pull off "end of the world" meets "testimony builder" but Chris Stewart did a great job. As I starting passing around my copies I realized I needed to keep reading. Bring on Hunger Games series and One Second After to finish up the year.

As a mom I found that reading was something I felt I had to sacrifice. I felt I didn't have the time. I love to read and fondly think of the days when I was a newlywed in California and read a book a day. It may have been excessive but at least it wasn't, ahem, addictive shopping like some other wives were doing.

*want*

Even looking back I can't actually say I haven't read since having kids. It just feels that way. Most of my reading is scriptures or parenting books. You should see the collection of dang parenting books I have. You'd think I would have the best behaved children ever. Soooo not true.

Back to the point of this post. I've decided to keep reading in 2012. To make it a priority. It makes me happy and that's not selfish.  When I'm happy I'm a better mom. The house is cleaner (I play the "you can't read until the dishes are done" game).

I need correct perspective though. I think "I never read anymore" when actually do. I've decided to keep a list. My initial goal is just one book a month. It's not "one a day" but life has changed. And I probably shouldn't be reading instead of parenting, exercising, showering, writing, etc.

The best part of this has been that I haven't wasted time on reading anything not worth while. All came highly recommended by friends and family. I don't think I'd feel as good about reading if I was giving my time and attention to books that aren't uplifting or thought provoking (and I'll just go ahead and declare that's why I'm not interesting in Twilight. There, I said it.)

So without further ado: Here's what I've read so far.

(I wish)

I found The Survivors Club to be captivating. I trudged through In Arabian Nights but the journey was worth it. Enjoyed The Help. Was uplifted by Mama's Bank Account. Matched was, well, a match made in heaven. Crossed was good too and gave me a hankering to go hiking.


I'm currently finding truth in Simplicity Parenting and getting way too many ideas (including getting rid of toys and BOOKS of all things). I'm also reading from Esther's Children which is a family history book about my third great grandparents and their descendants. They crossed the plains pulling handcarts, were part of the muddy mission, and the United Order. Story after story is full of faith and miracles. Certain stories have really affected me. I can't stop thinking about the relative who had a boy, then two girls, then two twin girls. After feeling so blessed and full, all of her daughters were lost to whopping cough. Years later a new baby girl also contracted the illness and was brought back from the edge of death after a priesthood blessing. How much can one woman endure? Her story has brought perspective to my trivial parental complaints.

And that's the point. I don't want to read to escape, but to enhance the life I'm in. I still don't have the time I wish I had but I'll just take it out of my nonexistent blogging time :)