Piece of Cake

My sis-in-law Emily, my mom, and I signed up for a 4 week cake decorating class. 1 month later, 3 cakes, several melt downs, and we're done! It was a blast and we learned a lot. It was fun to take it with them, although I was often laughing too hard to keep a steady hand.

I'm not so sure such high levels of frustration are good for me, but class II here we come. What I lack in ability or talent, I make up for in optimistic enthusiasm.

Naturally, bringing home a cake every Thursday meant party on Friday, thus the inception of "Cake Night". The boys flatter me and pretend to care about frosting roses and shell borders. In turn I let them eat my creation and pretend not to care that hours of effort are devoured in minutes.

I spy Janett going in for the kill.

Anniversary PS

All day Jason called me "wife of four", meaning wife of four years. Cute, since we're not big pet name people. Our affectionate terms are "bud" or "buddy".

Not so romantic when the first few times you hear "wife of four" you think he's saying "wife of horror".

Love you too, buddy.

The evolution of the anniversary

It's 9am and breakfast is over. Jason is gone to work. Mason is roaring with his dinosaurs. I am cleaning the kitchen and tripping over toys. I check the frosting flowers for my cake class on the table. Almost dry. I'm listening to a Grammar Girl podcast. It's snowing outside. A lot. I'm struck by the irony as I water my indoor plants. My big plans for today are to attack the huge laundry piles. Today feels very calm and ordinary. And domestic.

Today is our fourth wedding anniversary. As I finish loading the dishwasher, I start counting backwards. This time last year...we bought our first house and were settling in.

This time two years ago...we were in Peru, me sporting a pregnant belly. "Embarazada?" No, I'm not embarrassed to be pregnant! I'm really excited.

Three years ago, our first anniversary, we spent the day snowmobiling.

Four years ago we spent the day surrounded by well wishers, supportive family, and loving friends. Smiling so much in one day until our faces ached.

Five years ago I signed up for a service trip to Mexico for spring break. I couldn't get any of my friends or room mates to go, but I wanted to go anyway. I had no idea I'd meet him there.

Six years ago I was backpacking in New Zealand with my cousin Misty. I can't believe it was six years ago. I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted out of life. I had BIG plans.

I'm so grateful I didn't get what I wanted back then. There is a reoccurring theme in my life where I'm on the road to some great destination when, like a train wreck, my plans come crashing down around me. Thankfully, my Heavenly Father has even better plans in store for me. I've continually been blessed with greater, albeit different, outcomes. I'm far happier than I ever could have planned for myself.

So here I am, on a cold snowy day. Stuck indoors with a mountain of laundry. I've had some great adventures, and seen some amazing places. But I wouldn't trade this day for any of it.

Resolutions

I love that my kitchen looks like this
.

It's probably annoyingly clear that I am obsessed with Bountiful Baskets. Not only do I devote every other weekend to the distribution of produce, spend hours taking calls about it, and training new leaders, I also dream about it. Seriously. Mostly bad dreams in which I don't have enough produce to fill the baskets and people are angry.

The good news is that we're growing so fast. We have sites in Hurricane, Cedar, and Enoch. Soon adding Washington, Parowan, and Beaver. I never imagined it would grow like this. BB brings out the best in people. They volunteer to do things they wouldn't do if they were getting paid and with cheerful attitudes. There is a really neat feeling of cooperation and community.

The very best part is how it is effecting my family. We no longer meet at APX, so Jason is relieved. My extended family all pitches in and helps (even when we sold out and they had to go to Enoch. They still came and helped me first!). I mostly love how it's helping us be healthier and more frugal.

I didn't make a big list of New Year's resolutions. I decided I just wanted my family to be healthier. I know that is a bit like a Miss America contestant wishing for world peace. Health is general. Here are the specifics. I want to eat better. Eat like two generations ago did. Whole foods and home cooked meals. I want us to sleep more. I know I become Miss Hyde when I'm sleep deprived. I'm working to get Mason into bed earlier and I won't give up on his naps even though he has. I'd like to get more sun and fresh air in hopes I can sleep better at night. I'd also like to limit a lot of the reading and movie watching in bed.

Another specific on being healthier. I believe I can become emotionally healthier by being more honest and straightforward. I'm too tired (so much for the sleep resolution) to write much about this now, but there is one thing I have already learned in this new year. January has been really tough and I hope it's not an indication of the rest of the year. But within the trials I've learned to honestly say what I need and to ask for help. My family and friends have been open in their love and concern. Raw emotion can be frightening to experience and almost impossible to express, but once it's conveyed there is liberation.

So let's raise our glasses and toast to being healthier (in many many ways) in 2010.

Aloha

This will be a long one. Simply too many pictures I want to write about. Amy and I went to Maui...for a day...sound familiar? (hint: Ireland!) The plane ride over was 7 hours, 5 hours back. It went by quickly because Amy and I talked and talked and talked the entire time. The entire trip actually. The only times we weren't talking was when we were sleeping or in the bathroom. We are NOT bathroom talkers.

We drove part of the Hana Highway. Even this GPS snapshot doesn't accurately portray the curvy-ness of the road. Some parts are so narrow you have to wait for the approaching traffic to squeeze past before you can move. Thankfully we don't get car sick. It was gorgeous. It was a bit cloudy and by the end we were in a monsoon. We were delighted.

Not your typical farm, eh?

This picture was for Jason. About four years ago we were in the same spot for our belated honeymoon. He took a picture at this scene (a much better shot to be honest). It was one of our favorite pictures, and sadly one of many that we lost when our computer was stolen. Moral of the story: go back up your data. Now.

Scenes like this one are hard for my desert brain to process. How can a place have so much water? How can so many plants thrive? It is so drastically different from what I am used to. The humid lushness is surreal. It makes me want to bring some moisture back (but I don't think TSA would allow it).

the beach

Here's Ames. And our rental car. It was stinking cheap, but we felt a little silly driving such a fancy car around. I named it Bentley. It had less that 3,000 miles on it when we picked it up. And a button that said "ESP off". I found that ludicrously comical.

My beach warrior.

Some people live their entire lives without experiencing this. I think I take my opportunities to travel for granted.

And this is why I came. I really needed to soak in the ocean and bask in the sun. The ocean experience can be a rebirth, a renewal.

I take "foot shots" where ever I go. I spy Amy in the water.

ps: I accidentally fell asleep on the sand for a few minutes. Covered in sand. When I woke up and brushed the sand off I had already gotten a tan line. My legs are flecked in large white dots where the sand had stuck to them. Like reverse freckles.

Aloha, in the goodbye form

To my sister Lisa, because I'm at the ocean and she is not

SEARCHING my heart for its true sorrow,

This is the thing I find to be:

That I am weary of words and people,

Sick of the city, wanting the sea;

Wanting the sticky, salty sweetness

Of the strong wind and shattered spray,

Wanting the loud sound and the soft sound

Of the big surf that breaks all day.

Always before about my dooryard,

Marking the reach of the winter sea,

Rooted in sand and dragging driftwood,

Straggled the purple wild sweet pea.

Always I climbed the wave at morning,

Shook the sand from my shoes at night,

That now am caught beneath big buildings,

Stricken with noise, confused with light.

If I could hear the green piles groaning.

Under the windy, wooden piers,

See once again the bobbing barrels,

And the black sticks that fence the weirs;

If I could see the weedy mussels

Crusting the wrecked and rotting hulls,

Hear once again the hungry crying

Overhead, of the wheeling gulls;

Feel once again the shanty straining

Under the turning of the tide,

Fear once again the rising freshet,

Dread the bell in the fog outside,

I should be happy!—that was happy

All day long on the coast of Maine.

I have a need to hold and handle

Shells and anchors and ships again.

I should be happy, that am happy.

Never at all since I came here.

I am too long away from water;

I have a need of water near. Exhiled by Edna St. Vincent Millay (replace Maine with Oregon of course)

Jazzed about sports

I am not into sports. I tend to get confused as to which sport has which terms. I have been known to say silly things such as "did that goalie foul out?" and other such nonsense. I try really hard to understand it all since I am married to a Man, and a Man who was probably born with a baseball in hand.

I used to be a Jazz fan. By that I mean I used to watch games on purpose. I loved Jeff Hornacek, John Stockton, and Shandon Anderson. My little brother is to blame for this fleeting infatuation with basketball. He was playing Jr Jazz at the time and his enthusiasm was contagious.

For this past Christmas I thought it would be fun to find tickets for Jason and I to go see the Jazz. Ask and ye shall receive. One day after the thought crossed my mind, I found a deal online that I couldn't pass up. Two tickets and a $10 gift certificate for Fanzz. It gets better. We also scored two super cool (lame) Jazz bear nightlights and two free big macs at the game. All for $25! The seats were in the upper bowl but still great. The bargain finder in me was doing a happy dance all night. Happy dance with jazz hands!

The game was really fun. Jason wanted to go early and watch them warm up. Silly? No. That was my favorite part. I also really enjoyed Jerry Sloan stressing on the bench. He's like...120 years old, but hasn't aged in decades.

The Energy Solutions Arena was electric with excitement. Think Utah with a dash of Vegas. We were bombarded with advertisements and flashing lights. By the end of the night I knew I HAD to drink Sprite, fly Delta, and call someone using AT&T.

The highlight of the night started out as a great annoyance. Two grandmas, fully decked in Jazz paraphernalia, were seated a few seats down from us. I think their names where Millsap and Miles since that's what was on the backs of their shirts. They were covered in glow necklaces and blinking headbands. They started with the noise makers before the game even started. They didn't really stop the entire time. At the end of the fourth quarter I watched in astonished fascination when a employee ran up and covered them in silly string. Covered. They sat there in a cranky stupor as they were plastered in pink goo. It was delightful.

I felt a little creeped out as I watched hundreds of people act like robots. It was intriguing/unsettling to see how one person's actions on the court could make us all gasp "Ooooh!" at the same time in the same tone. Otherwise intelligent looking folks fell to the irresistible command to clap in rhythm. I wonder if the gentleman next to me really thought his geers and complaints made a difference in the game. I believe he held his breath every single time one of our players went to the free throw line. And I just said "our players" as if my attendance granted ownership.

I was surprised how much fun we had. Double surprised when the Jazz didn't break my heart and blow their lead.

Can Korver, Okur, and Boozer make me a sports fan after all?

The Most Depressing Day of the Year

It's sort of a gloomy day out and I haven't gotten done as much as I'd like. Go figure. I just saw on MSN.com that today is the official "The Most Depressing Day of the Year". If it's on the internet it must be true. Suddenly I feel lethargic and moody.

Now I feel embarrassed for dancing while I picked up toys. How heartless of me.

I am going to go put my pj's back on and go back to bed. I wish I had known in advance it was going to be "The Most Depressing Day of the Year". I wouldn't have been such a party pooper.

"Anxiously Engaged"

Jason's sister Janett is living with us for a while. She is Mason's new favorite person and he often goes to the top of the stairs and yells "Nnnnnnneh?" looking for her to come play. Janett's fiance, Brady, is also one of Mason's favorites. I don't know what it is about boys and the need to wrestle, but I'm glad Brady is around so Mason doesn't miss out on any vital wrestling boy time while his dad is at work. Not that I don't wrestle with him...I do...but it's just a boy thing.

Janett is getting ready for her wedding. She's a "planner" and is very on top of all the details that a wedding requires. The fun and excitement is contagious. It takes me back to this time about four years ago when I was stressing over the last minute details of my own wedding.

(cue the twinkling lights and warped music as we take a little trip down memory lane)

First of all I must confess it wasn't me stressing over the details. It was my dear sister, Amy, who took on the brave role of wedding planner. What a saint. We were engaged less than two months. We wanted to keep things easy and simple, but even then there was a lot to do in a short amount of time.

Two main incidents come to mind when I think of our engagement (I'll save the proposal and the wedding for a rainy day).

The first one is our photo shoot. My brother Andy has the eye for great photos and the heart to offer to help. When he said we were headed up the canyon for engagement pictures, I assumed just up the canyon up a few miles. I put on my Chaco sandals and grabbed a couple of shirts for each of us. We drove up the canyon much further than I thought. Good news for the amazing pictures. Bad news for the frozen toes. We stomped, slipped, slid, and shivered in the snow. We got many great photos, but my favorites are the candid shots Andy took while we were laughing, screaming, and falling in the snow.
The second incident was noteworthy because it was mine and Jason's first major misunderstanding. I was working at the University and found a place on campus where I wanted to have my reception. There were a lot of hoops to jump through since it was on campus, but my boss Laurie was very helpful. She arranged a big meeting with everyone who was part of the event. While the amazingly difficult decision of round cakes or square cakes was being debated, I glanced down and noticed the hugest pair of hands in the world. They belonged to the supervisor of Food Service. By huge I mean gargantuan. Like bricks or paddles. Or, considering his occupation, like a big worn pizza board. The fingers made me think of tree roots. Mesmerized, I caught Jason's attention and under the table spread out my hand and bobbed it while making my eyes wide and astonished. My message, clearly, was "oh my gosh look at those hands. He could rip my head off!". We moved onto discuss refreshments, lighting, music and all the things I never would have thought of on my own. As the meeting progressed I became more and more frustrated at Jason. He would hardly say a word! Even when asked for his input directly, he would defer the question to me. I didn't really care on much of it, and I was concerned he wouldn't help me get the process over as quickly as possible. By the time we left the meeting I was wound up. "What happened in there? I thought we agreed to make these decisions together", I whined. "Yeah, that's what I thought until you shushed me!" came his reply.

My hand motion under the table sent a much different message than I intended. He thought it meant, "Quiet down now. I'll do the talking".

Good thing he is quick to forgive and engaged couples believe themselves to be immune to the difficulties of uniting two individuals under one union. Jason and I are still finding ourselves on different pages almost constantly, but our affection and commitment to each other has grown exponentially.

Do I miss the dating, planning, excitement of single life? Absolutely Not.

Fabric of Life

Finally untangled the talisman blanket from around my waist and got out of bed to go see the doctor I didn't want to see. Picked out a shirt in my favorite blue. That blue makes me feel calm and courageous. Holey jeans. They've been through a lot. The cold leather seats of the car seem so fitting for the day. Waited on crinkly paper that was not soft or calming or comfortable or anything that I needed. Couldn't look at the doctor's face. Instead, traced the writing on his coat with my eyes. Blue thread. Cursive letters. Thinking, please. Not this again.

Picked up my boy. His jacket was everything I needed. Small, soft, warm, boyish. Tried to hug the softness into my soul. Found the handkerchief from my sister. It's more dignified to cry into a handkerchief. Fancy, white, trimmed in blue, monogrammed, crumpled and soaked. Held my husband's pillow since he couldn't be there to hold me.

Long day. Finally crawl into cold sheets. Makes me think of camping. I'd much rather be camping. Nothing here feels right. Shirt is itchy, pants are twisted. Pillows all wrong. And a little good-luck blankie that belongs to no one.

wish I was here

in the quiet, in the cold, bundled up, cold noses

Red Neck Blue Tooth

(He actually hit a clay pigeon while on a call)

Adios 2009

I've been busy. Here are some snapshots of what I would I written about if I had the time.
Yes, most of it includes dress up.

Clock wise from top left. Mason and EeeBee rockin out. Mason as a slack jawed yokel. Jason's improvised work hat. Mason on the way to Oz by way of the Silver Panned Road. Mason as a girl, again, sorry son. Casey and Clain also as girls. Me and Mace sharing a Starr Smoothie. Elli shoveling the lawn snow in my old tutu.