because I actually laughed out loud

parenting means you do stuff

Like my very intelligent title? Sorry, it's the best I can do on the amount of sleep I'm getting.

I just wanted to record a few little thoughts this morning on parenting.

I'm not talking about the big hard decisions we make. I'm not talking about the truly heartbreaking ordeals that many parents go through. I'm talking about being a parent every day.

Like getting up. I'm not a morning person. I'd love to get up super early and have everything done before the family arises. But instead I sleep every extra minute I can. Jason is long gone for work by the time the kids stir. When the first one starts making noise, and this is usually Eli, I drag myself out of my insanely comfortable bed and we begin.

Sometimes I feel that the days are a blur; each one starting the same way: "morning sunshine" to a toddler who is so pleased to see me that he's giggling and flopping all over his crib. And my days end the same way: "night night little Starr" as I put him in his crib and he sighs in satisfaction and smiles. It feels like I'm always doing those two things, as if each bedtime just happened 30 minutes ago and the rest of the day was on fast forward.

Sometimes I feel that the days last forever. I love the saying, "parenting is composed of long days and short years". When the kids are in bed at night I find myself sitting, on the couch/bed/floor, just sitting trying to find enough energy to go to bed. It seems like those days are about 80 hours long.

As a parent, you do stuff. Like get up when you'd rather not and keep doing the same things over and over. Maybe some people easily do this on their own once they've 'grown up' but I know that for me, the kids push me a little more than I would otherwise push myself. And it's a hard and wonderful thing.

***

(long whiny story goes here)

Last night I went to work and then the grocery store. After talking to Amy for a while I came home and put away the food. Within five minutes the house was in an uproar. Eli was crying hard and I couldn't figure out know why. He woke up Jason, who is sick and was sent back to bed. Then Eli woke up Mason who started crying really really hard. I tried holding and comforting each son, but even with my ever expanding stomach separating them, they were not pleased to be sharing mommy with the other. I finally got hysterical Mason calm enough I could leave him long enough to get Eli a drink. After he drank about a gallon of milk he started up again. The familiar question "How am I ever going to do three?" ran through my head. Finally Eli begged for bed and I was able to focus on Mason. He said his eyes hurt, his throat hurt, his toes hurt. Mason, when feeling poorly, is a hard case. You'd think he was dying before your eyes. It's safe to say he is a wee bit dramatic. I finally calmed him down with a throat lozenge and a glow stick. When we went to put him in bed Eli woke up again. I'm pretty sure there are a half dozen really good reasons not to let your tiny children sleep with glow sticks but I couldn't think of one as they contentedly went back to sleep in their own radioactive glow. I got ready for bed and Jase woke up enough to see if everything was okay. I could tell he was really not feeling good, which is always concerning with him because he rarely gets sick. When he does it's something major. I rudely opted out of his embrace and spent the next 10 minutes rearranging pillows trying to find a position that didn't hurt my back, hips, or babe. Not easy to do. Finally found a comfortable arrangement when Mason started crying. Up again, helped him open his water bottle, and back to bed. When I stretched out this time, Little Mister Fetus decided it was time to Zumba. He's got some amazing moves. Even after he calmed down, I just couldn't sleep. I thought about all I need to do to go to the ranch this weekend, all I need to do for my calling in primary, all I need to do to organize our summer schedule, all I need to do to prepare for a new kid, all I need to do to end world hunger. Then I do what I often do and "run through the list". I start with my oldest sibling, consider how he is doing, how our relationship is doing, what I can do to help. Then I go on to the next one and the next one. Perhaps I should blame my insomnia on my parents for having so many kids.And now I have Jason's family to "run through" and my own kids as well.

This morning I don't remember much about Jason leaving, just that he was still feeling rough and telling him to take leftover chicken for lunch. Before I knew it I looked at the clock. Hours had sped by and Mason's school bus was minutes from arrival. THIS moment inspired this post. I thought, forget it. It's the second to last day of school. He's probably getting sick too. I am so darn tired. Let's just forget it. Then the parent in me thinks, do it. Get up and do it. He can do it if you help him. He loves school and it's where you've committed to send him.

Though it's sad dressing a four year old while he's still fast asleep and demonstrating the coordination of a rag doll, it's what I do most mornings anyway. This morning he was dressed and eating in two minutes. I slid on his shoes while his sleep heavy eyes examined his breakfast. He actually got ready so fast we had a few minutes to talk and cuddle. I was afraid he'd fall back asleep. Mason was abnormally sweet and it was nice to do this part of the day without screaming or fits. The bus' arrival ended our morning prayers and he went to the door saying "I love you mom". From the porch I always wave and then sign I LOVE YOU as the bus leaves. He did the same back and then let his little hand linger on the window. THIS little act made every struggle of the past 12 hours worth it.

Whoever says parenting is a thankless job is not paying attention.

Eli has slept in over an hour but now I can hear him talking and playing. I will go get him now, he'll act like it's Christmas to see me, and my heart will burst all over again.

My summary: Parenting means you do stuff. Especially when you don't want to. And the same stuff repeated a thousand times. And it's worth it. And I'm so grateful for every part of it.

Oh the joy, another BOY!

The third Starr boy will be making his grand entrance in August!

I'm unbelievably  

excited

happy

exhausted

overwhelmed

I only have two hands, so three kids is going to be a challenge. I was relieved to find out we're having a boy, at least we'll be in familiar territory. Hearing the news of "boy" felt just perfect.

I hardly can think of words to describe how I feel about this baby. I feel so aware of him, so bonded already. I wonder what he'll be like since the older boys were so opposite as babies. Can you have a third opposite? All I know is I keep thinking of the three amigos (and the song My Little Buttercup has been in my head nonstop) and how much I desire my sons to be best friends. 

 I love Jason's hand on my stomach pretending to feel the fluttering movement that can't be perceived from the outside. I love Mason's concern (Oh no, I don't know the new baby's name!) and his enthusiasm (daily: I am so excited for the new baby. I can't believe we're having THREE boys!). I love how Eli points out babies everywhere we go. He just about jumps for joy when near his new baby cousins. I feel a little sorrowful as I hold Eli at night and witness his vanishing infancy. I don't want him rushing into boyhood too soon. 

This pregnancy has been so different. I've not written as much as I should have, I am so very tired all the time. But Amigo has a blog of his own that I'll share soon. 

One thing I'm grateful to have learned~

I don't have to worry about having favorites.

I don't have to worry about having enough love. 

I don't have to worry about comparing my kids. 

After One, I learned about all consuming unconditional love. 

After having Two, I learned the infinite capacity of love. 

I can't wait to see what I'll learn with Three.

words of the week

Ennui, felt on the proper occasions, is a sign of intelligence. -Clifton Fadiman

{so if it's the improper occasions, like the holidays, what does THAT indicate?}

Words of the Week by Tad R. Callister

I went to stake conference with a few specific questions in mind. I prayed that I would receive answers, or at least council concerning these things. Elder Tad R. Callister's message really stood out to me. While it wasn't directly about the things I was thinking about, I think that strengthening marriage can help in all other aspects of life. Here are his tips on nurturing marriage:

1. Commitment. Have a mind set of "there is no other alternative". Stay true to your covenants.
2. Adopt an "Is it I?" attitude. When there is a problem, look at yourself, dont' fault your partner.
3. Avoid debt. It creates a wedge in the most solid relationships.
4. Date night. Make it happen.
5. Speak softly and lovingly.
6. Make parenting a joint venture. Be united.
7. Pray together. Morning and night. 

He recommended holding hands while praying with your spouse. He joked "No this isn't some strange new practice we are introducing in the church. It's just a good idea" (or something along those lines). 

Strange are the events that place me at a truck stop, waiting to meet up with a biker gang, with a very large amount of cash.

Letter from Great Grandma to her cousin

We are among the mountains, as of course you know, with beautiful gray and pink cliffs, and ledges on the north and east, with far off blue hills in the south and on the west a most beautiful gray clay hill by which I live, and on which I often roam for many a long hour, gathering wild flowers, and studying the science of nature, which is one of the most pleasing and beneficial studies that can be learned, also watching the many different kinds of birds, and their way of making their homes. O! It is one of the most pleasantest places in Utah.

Maggie (written from Orderville, age 17)

Charles and Maggie at the Heaton Ranch

“We no longer have the luxury of spending our energy on anything that does not lead us and our families to Christ." 

Sheri Dew - 2000

Sometimes 

the best part 

of an 

adventure 

is coming

home  

and

throwing the kids

in the 

tub.

Be careful what you ask

Mason would be a millionaire if he got a penny for every question he asks. It's not just the WHY questions anymore but the WHAT KIND, WHICH ONE, HOW, and then when I've run out of intelligent responses he continues on with the WHYs.

Scene: Breakfast at the bar in our PJs, Mason insists on cuddling with me while we eat (not an easy way to eat).
Mason (touching my lovely bedhead hair): What is this?
Me: It's mom's hair.
Mason: What kind of hair is it?
Me: Um, it's a pony tail?
Mason: What is this?
Me: My bangs. They are the hair that is in front.
Mason: Ohhhhh. What kind?
Me (trying to change gears): Do you like my hair Mason? Does it look nice?
Mason: *pauses* ...maybe...( in a doubtful tone)

Life at a glance

I feel like life is really busy. At first I thought it was adding work to the schedule, but that hardly counts. There just seems to be a lot going on. Here's our week calendar. I use these to keep track of everything yet I still manage to forget some pretty important things. I constantly feel like I'm falling behind. One step forward, two steps back. The To-Do list gets longer, the laundry pile gets higher, all while I spend the extra little minutes blissfully enjoying my boys. There's a gazillion warm-fuzzy quotes about how life is supposed to be like that yet I still wish I could accomplish more. My mom managed to raise 9 happy kids, keep a tidy house, cook like a gourmet, and work. So...

Recently I read a line from a friend's blog that really struck me. Do something each day that cannot be undone. I love it. It can be so frustrating to finish mopping the floor only to have Mr. Right come in with muddy boots. It drives me nuts to go downstairs and find the toy box has exploded my absence. Housework is like shoveling in a blizzard. No matter how hard or fast you work the progress is rapidly covered up with fresh snow. THAT is why I love this saying. I'll forever have dishes to do, but if I can do something permanent today, and each day, then I can still go to bed feeling accomplished even if the condition of my house proves otherwise. So I can play with my kids and hold them close. Nothing can take that away. I can work on creating something, despite my crafty ineptitude, it will still mark the day as existing. I can snap pictures. And I can write.

I keep thinking that soon things will slow down. Maybe they will... like when I'm 80. 

Words of the Week from Guernsey

When I had one kid I gave up sleep, reading, and making homemade bread. Now I have two kids and these things have miraculously become possible again (okay, not so much sleeping but I don't seem to need it as badly). It doesn't make sense, but I'm not going to question it.

Thank you Lindsey for lending me your copy of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society. Here are my favorite lines:

• Reading good books ruins you for enjoying bad books.

• I think you learn more if you're laughing at the same time. 

• My worries travel about my head on their well worn paths, and it's a relief to put them on paper.

• I can't think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can't talk to, or worse, someone I can't be silent with.

"he tangata"

At first I thought it was the holidays, then I thought it was the new baby. At last I've realized it's providence that I've been so fortunate to be surrounded by very very good people. My life has entered into a serene season. We stay in and keep the days simple. The quiet is only interrupted by visits from good people, and they are not interruptions at all. I'm quite content with life as it is, but spending time with family, friends, and neighbors adds to the abundance until truly my cup runneth over.

I feel like I have had a steady stream of enjoyable encounters for several weeks. Family from both sides have come to meet their newest relation. Neighbors and church members have called in person or on the phone. We meet up with friends as we're able or more often have long conversations on the phone. 

I especially enjoyed span of time full of some of my favorite females. I usually have more male friends but my few female friends I'm very close to. My soul sister Lindsey gave me some of her limited time before her last semester started. Then my sister Amy flew in to have a "sleepover" with Eli. As soon as she left and I was feeling forlorn my cousin Misty came for the weekend. All this was accentuated by calls and chats with my mom and other sisters. At one point in the past few weeks a close family friend Bonnie was visiting with her family when several of my family members came over. They apologized for the crowd and though my house was full my heart was filled also. 

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not very good at staying in touch. I love that I have people in my life that forgive that flaw. I'm grateful for the relationships that are strong and close despite the lack of time and nurturing that they deserve. I'm so lucky to have fellow young mom/friends that I can call for advice or commiserate over sleepless nights with.

Every chance meeting, every thoughtful call, every offer to help has felt like a tremendous blessing. All this reminds me of this Maori proverb:

He aha te mea nui o te ao? Maki e ki atu, he tangata, he tangata, he tangata. 

 What are the important things of the world? I reply forcefully, the people, the people, the people.

And since this is a lot of writing I thought I should add a picture. For lack of anything better, here are two from when I was a camp counselor in Connecticut with Misty in 2003.

The first is the Art Shack. I spent my time here and in the ceramics studio.
Each year the counselor got to paint a panel however they chose.

I chose that saying in honor of the amazing friends we made from all over the world.

Words of the Week on a Liberty theme

I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce, and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain. -John Adams

You have never lived, 'til you have almost died. And for those who fight for it, life has a flavor that the protected will never know." -Anonymous

The time to guard against corruption and tyranny is before they shall have gotten hold of us. It is better to keep the wolf out of the fold that to trust to drawing his teeth and talons after he shall have entered. -Thomas Jefferson

If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsel nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen. -Samuel Adams

Once we roared like lions for liberty; now we bleat like sheep for security! The solution for America's problem is not in terms of big government, but it is in big men over whom nobody stands in control but God. -Norman Vincent Peale

 

Every time the government grows we lose more of who we are. -Glenn Beck

 

Words of the Week

I thought I saw a sign that read "All you can eat triplets".
I think I need more sleep.

Words of the Week Dedicated

I suspect I'm supposed to be learning something this week. On Sunday every lesson in church was about gratitude. The closing song was particularly beautiful and touching. As I sang the words I realized this song was the anthem of my parents' life. They live lives of gratitude and instinctively share their blessings with those around them.

So here are the words of the week, dedicated to my dad and mom.

Because I have been given much, I too must give.

Because of thy great bounty, Lord each day I live.

I shall divide my gifts from thee with every brother that I see,

who has the need of help from me.

Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care…

I cannot see another’s lack and I not share-

my glowing fire, my loaf of bread-my roof’s safe shelter over head,

that he too may be comforted.

Because I have been blessed by thy great love dear Lord,

I’ll share thy love again according to thy word.

I shall give love to those in need. I’ll show that love by word and deed,

thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed.

Words of the Week

"Things which matter
most
must never
be at the mercy
of things which
matter least."

- Goethe

Words of the Week + my own 2 cents

A Mother's Song

I'll slow down my footsteps
and sing a sweet song.
We'll share nature's wonders
as we stroll along.
***
With your hand holding mine,
I'm so happy to share
the magic that's here,
all around, everywhere.

-Janet Lawler
(first and last verse)

I love being a mom. I know I have to say that, but I mean it. When I read this poem in one of Mason's library books I felt that it described one of the best parts of parenthood. The teaching. We walk slowly, sometimes SO slowly, but imagine how slowly you would walk if you were to see the world for the first time. He holds my hand so firmly...his whole hand gripping one of my fingers. On our walks he notices every airplane. He gets elated about finding a good stick. He'll spontaneously stop and smell the roses, even if the bush doesn't have any flowers. It is magic.
I so enjoy showing Mason new things. Yesterday I introduced him to the wonderful world of water balloons. I tried telling him how his life would never be the same after this, but he just wanted to get back to throwing them at his dad.

He is very affectionate and polite. Every hug and every "oh! thank you MaMa" makes me feel validated. I can't believe there was a time, and there certainly will be again, when I had to pick him up when he was sleeping because that was the only time he'd let me hold him.
At night, when I'm tucking Mason in, we lay down together and read and talk. Mason likes to have our heads touching. I can feel his little brother practicing his wrestling moves in my stomach. Jason comes in to pray with us. When all the tucking in and kissing is done, I usually leave the room with both Mason and I giggling about one thing or another. It's those few minutes that I am blissful and understand my purpose. It's those moments I try to hold onto when things get hard and hectic.

(Minneapolis 2008: He's about a month old and happy in his sling and I look really really young.)

Words of the Week

Good Timber

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease:
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
The further sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth,
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.

-Douglas Malloch

Words of the week