Words of the Week from Guernsey

When I had one kid I gave up sleep, reading, and making homemade bread. Now I have two kids and these things have miraculously become possible again (okay, not so much sleeping but I don't seem to need it as badly). It doesn't make sense, but I'm not going to question it.

Thank you Lindsey for lending me your copy of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society. Here are my favorite lines:

• Reading good books ruins you for enjoying bad books.

• I think you learn more if you're laughing at the same time. 

• My worries travel about my head on their well worn paths, and it's a relief to put them on paper.

• I can't think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can't talk to, or worse, someone I can't be silent with.

the view from here

These are the thing I spend my days looking at:


1. Lucky Eli in a sling. I love having him close and also having two free hands. (thanks again Misty)

2. Mason playing in the backyard by himself. Sad, huh? Juggling the needs of the two boys is tricky. So I put Mason in the backyard and watch him from my open bedroom window while nursing Eli covered in blankets to keep covered from the cold air.

3. One of my "keep busy" projects. I've found it helps to have something to work on when we're up late at night or when I'm feeling less than productive. I've been working on converting all my home videos from VHS to DVD. My dresser is a jumble of cords and electronics.

4. Here's Mr. E giving me one of those looks. I spy the laptop on the bed. I'm on it a lot when I'm sitting around doing nothing (ha! I mean nursing all the time).

5. A view I need to see more often. The weather has been so cold that I don't dare take the kids out much lately. Thank heavens for the treadmill...Mason likes to take a turn and the sound puts Eli right to sleep.

6. Mace Face flashing that smile that melts me every time.

"he tangata"

At first I thought it was the holidays, then I thought it was the new baby. At last I've realized it's providence that I've been so fortunate to be surrounded by very very good people. My life has entered into a serene season. We stay in and keep the days simple. The quiet is only interrupted by visits from good people, and they are not interruptions at all. I'm quite content with life as it is, but spending time with family, friends, and neighbors adds to the abundance until truly my cup runneth over.

I feel like I have had a steady stream of enjoyable encounters for several weeks. Family from both sides have come to meet their newest relation. Neighbors and church members have called in person or on the phone. We meet up with friends as we're able or more often have long conversations on the phone. 

I especially enjoyed span of time full of some of my favorite females. I usually have more male friends but my few female friends I'm very close to. My soul sister Lindsey gave me some of her limited time before her last semester started. Then my sister Amy flew in to have a "sleepover" with Eli. As soon as she left and I was feeling forlorn my cousin Misty came for the weekend. All this was accentuated by calls and chats with my mom and other sisters. At one point in the past few weeks a close family friend Bonnie was visiting with her family when several of my family members came over. They apologized for the crowd and though my house was full my heart was filled also. 

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not very good at staying in touch. I love that I have people in my life that forgive that flaw. I'm grateful for the relationships that are strong and close despite the lack of time and nurturing that they deserve. I'm so lucky to have fellow young mom/friends that I can call for advice or commiserate over sleepless nights with.

Every chance meeting, every thoughtful call, every offer to help has felt like a tremendous blessing. All this reminds me of this Maori proverb:

He aha te mea nui o te ao? Maki e ki atu, he tangata, he tangata, he tangata. 

 What are the important things of the world? I reply forcefully, the people, the people, the people.

And since this is a lot of writing I thought I should add a picture. For lack of anything better, here are two from when I was a camp counselor in Connecticut with Misty in 2003.

The first is the Art Shack. I spent my time here and in the ceramics studio.
Each year the counselor got to paint a panel however they chose.

I chose that saying in honor of the amazing friends we made from all over the world.

Tuned up

A while ago my uncle decided to move into my mom's childhood home. There was a lot of sorting and cleaning out to be done. My mom asked for her piano. It was given to her by her parents when she was about ten years old. When I was a kid we were never allowed to play it and it eventually fell into disrepair. Mom asked me if I would keep the piano at my house, which I was more than delighted to consent to.

My uncles brought it to town in the back of a truck. We called up a bunch of "muscles" to help get it my house. Then Mom found a piano repairman to assess the damage. Every single key had fallen which meant every broken piece had to be fixed along with a lot of other repairs. At last it was restored to it's original, working condition.

It's been a long time since I've played. I was never very good but it's still disappointing to see how much ability I've lost, but also surprising to see what my fingers remember. I struggle through new music but I can still play some of my beautiful old recital pieces from memory.

Most of all I love having it in my home. I love to think of my mother sitting at the piano as a girl. I think about my Grandpa carefully reconstructing and painting the bench. I think of all that this instrument has witnessed over the years, the hours of practicing, the music performed, and the memories made. At my Grandma and Grandpa's house it was covered in photos of the family. I feel really honored to have it at my house.

So I practice. Jason asks me to keep playing. Mason sings while I plunk out "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". And baby Eli stops fussing when I hold him close and play one handed.

This is why I smile:

mom-be-zombie

My life goes like this. We're up all day like normal life. Eli sleeps a lot and deeply. This means more one on one time with Mason and more time to easily get things done around the house. As the day comes to a close, Mason goes to bed and we say goodnight to Jason. And then Eli is up for the night. He's not too fussy, just awake and alert and not in the mood to sleep. So we migrate around the house, both of us dozing off for a few minutes here and there. Eventually morning approaches and Eli winds down. About the time he sacks out for a long nap, Mason wakes up. Sometimes we can convince him to crawl in bed and cuddle with us, but more often he's hungry and ready for breakfast.

One of the strangest parts of this schedule is "getting ready for the day" when I still haven't really slept. It is still hard to juggle two kids at times but for the most part this schedule provides the most one on one time with each of them.

The down side? Not much sleep. When Jason isn't headed up the mountain to do snowmobile tours he helps me get a little nap, but I'm a light sleeper and the kids usually need me sooner than later. I am amazed at how our bodies adapt. I've never been a good sleeper and I usually spend half the night trying to fall asleep. Nowadays if I sit still for more than three minutes I fall asleep without meaning to. I can sleep in some of the most awkward positions and with kids heaped all over me. Like last night. I spent an hour and a half mostly sleeping, on the couch, with each of the boys nestled in under each arm. No one even fell off. I finally got up, feeling a bit rested, with two numb arms.

I started wondering how much a body can take though. I've been amazed at how well I was functioning on such little sleep and wondered at what point it would start to be too little for too long. The answer is 17 days. That's when I started having major brain malfunctions. I was up with Eli a lot that 17th night but I couldn't for the life of me remember when I fed him last. I was trying to add three hours to eleven pm and couldn't figure out about when he should be fed next. I wear a ring to help me remember which side to start nursing on next and I spent half the night staring at my thumbs trying to remember what that ring was on my right thumb for. I often call Eli "Mason" by mistake but that night was really bad. I kept telling myself not to call him Mason, but the word Eli was gone from my vocabulary. At one point I heard myself saying "Hey little Milo, mommy's here". Milo? It is a good mix of Mason and Eli...But MILO?

Hopefully this brain damage is reversible and someday...like in 25 years...I can catch up on my sleep. Until then, if I act really stupid or like a zombie, it's because I am.

Mason, eating my brain.Actually he's trying to plug the iPod charger into my head. I wish it worked like that.

 

baby boys

First off, I'm not a big anything to do with sports baseball fan, but I do adore this outfit. Mostly, I adore the babies that wear it.

Mason

Eli

Every time I insist Mason and Eli don't look alike, Jason shows me a picture or two and then I have to admit I'm mistaken.