Ego

I've always wanted to change the world. To really really make a difference. Cure AIDS, save the children, find the secret to happiness, end hunger, and accomplish world peace.

That's what motherhood is. I had this same feeling with my first child but had forgotten about it until I had my second child. The feeling of accomplishment is overwhelming. I hold my baby in my arms and feel that this gift to the world is my "difference". If bringing him into the world is the only good thing I ever do, it is enough. I could die happy now, completely fulfilled.

Mormon take on the Nativity

Christmas has come and gone. I'd certainly say it was the most low key, non stressful, easy holiday season I've experienced in my life (okay, "adult life: since things don't get too stressful when you are seven and asking for a Beauty and the Beast sleeping bag). With the impending arrival of our second child, I had Christmas preparations done weeks in advance.

Eli was born a few days early and life has been all about babies, home, family, Christ, and service. My mind has explored some obscure trains of thought as I sit up with our night owl baby. The two of us gaze at the glowing Christmas tree in the silent hours before dawn. In my almost drunken state from lack of sleep, I've pondered life and what my purpose is, the strength and importance of family, and how lovely it is to hunker down at home and be separated from the craziness of life. Mostly I just look at the faces of my boys, checking on those that are sweetly sleeping, and adoring the bright eyed little boy in my arms.

On Christmas Eve I kept myself entertained for hours creating a parody of "if the Mormons were at the Nativity".


I don't mean to be disrespectful about my religion, but it's always entertaining to poke fun at our unique culture. The whole reason I started coming up with the parody in the first place is because my ward has been absolutely amazing to us. They brought us meals for a week. We had visitors, phone calls, and gifts from dozens of well-wishers. Our good news and the crazy story that accompanies it was already wide spread by they time Jason went to church three days later (so only a little clarification of the facts was needed).

I wish I remembered it all, but here's what my foggy brain retained:

When Mary and Joseph arrived in Bethlehem there wouldn't have been the "No room in he inn" situation. Their bishop from their Nazarene ward would have called ahead to let the ward know that they were coming. Indeed,  the Elders Quorum would have been ready and waiting to help them move into their new place. When it was found out they were staying in the stable, they would have received dozens of offers of homes they could stay in. When they refused, they would have been praised for their emergency preparedness and "pioneer spirit". The young men would have come together to clean the stable as a service project and one would have made the manger for his Eagle Scout. 

The Christ child wouldn't have been wrapped in swaddling clothes, but rather hand knitted outfits made by the compassionate service committee that they just happened to have on hand. The angel wouldn't have been needed to tell the shepherds about his birth for it would have been covered in ward counsel, the ward newsletter, and even the Relief Society blog. The three wise men would have been the Relief Society presidency, bringing gifts of lime jello casserole, a three month supply of food storage, and completed family history for both sides of the family.

When Joseph had his dream to flee to Egypt it wouldn't have been a scary-flee-in-the-night type of move. Some one's family would already be headed that way and would generously offer to take the little family with them in their 15 passenger van. They would sing Primary songs along the way, munch on homemade trail mix, and already have callings when they arrived.

reason #47 I love my family

What? What does your family do when they get together for the holidays?

Nesting

I've always thought that the "nesting instinct" was similar to pregnancy cravings, or colic; a term that is thrown at every similar characteristic. The words are used too generally and given too much vague significance. Pregnant women are totally crazy but I don't think that means we should go around labeling all our behaviors. I guess I've just always been annoyed when hormones are blamed for behavior. Ladies, let's take some accountability for how we act.

Anyway... I've been going on a cleaning/organized kick around the house and Jason is certainly enjoying teasing me about nesting. Whether nesting is legit or not, the fruits of my labor are satisfying. Too bad I haven't spent more of my energy on detailing the cars or knitting baby booties.

This is how I nest :)

The Gear

The Storage Room

To be fair I alphabetized my sauce and seasoning packets. Even I smirked at myself. I call it organization meets boredom. Call it what you want.

Words of the Week on a Liberty theme

I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce, and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain. -John Adams

You have never lived, 'til you have almost died. And for those who fight for it, life has a flavor that the protected will never know." -Anonymous

The time to guard against corruption and tyranny is before they shall have gotten hold of us. It is better to keep the wolf out of the fold that to trust to drawing his teeth and talons after he shall have entered. -Thomas Jefferson

If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsel nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen. -Samuel Adams

Once we roared like lions for liberty; now we bleat like sheep for security! The solution for America's problem is not in terms of big government, but it is in big men over whom nobody stands in control but God. -Norman Vincent Peale

 

Every time the government grows we lose more of who we are. -Glenn Beck

 

Parade

I am WAAAAAY behind on...well...everything.

So here's a look back on some of our fun from early in December. We went to the Storybook Cavalcade Christmas Parade, which is ridiculously amazing for our little town. The floats and costumes are pretty dang cool. I can't remember though, what does it have to do with Christmas?



Clockwise: Here are a bunch of the Heaton clan kiddos, Noah's Ark (with a unicorn? He obviously only got one on board), our little family (Jason's mouth full of sunflower seeds) , Buzz Lightyear, and a big whale float (kids were simultaneously yelling "Jonah" and "Pinocchio")

Ghosts of past, present, and future

Tonight we went swimming at the pool at the university. This morning, when I mentioned it to Mason, he got so excited he changed into his swim trunks and constantly asked for the swimming pool every 5 seconds for the next 8 hours. Lesson learned. We bundled up, picked up cousin Ryan, and headed over. When we first got there the pool was pretty empty which I was a little grateful for. After all, you don't want a huge audience when your stretched-beyond-belief swimming suit pops off. Okay...it didn't come off, but I was sure it would any minute. The water was cold but we were tough and enjoyed swimming. The buoyancy relieved a lot of my aches and pains. It was remarkable to have range of motion again! The boys each took a minute to get comfortable in the water and then turned into little fish.

I was showing Ryan how to do the back stroke while Jason was playing with Mason. I arched back to show him the right posture. Like a surfacing submarine, my 9 month pregnancy belly popped up far above the water. When I caught site of it I laughed so hard I went under. I came up sputtering more than my share of crypto-water to Ryan's concerned expression. He was either thinking "I don't want her to teach me to swim" or "Lady, keep your whale belly out of sight". I looked around to check in on my boys and found them by the sound Mason's happy giggles. Jason's grin was as big as ever as he played with his "mini me" son. I took a deep breath, leaned back into the water and enjoyed the moment. Life is good.

Shortly after, a kayak class started at the other end of the pool. Some waterpolo-ers were complaining about having to share that section of the pool with them. I kept an eye on them. The class was all guys. Come on. And why were they using that part of the pool? It's so much harder to drain your boat over there if you have to bail. That kid's posture is all wrong. I wonder if they even know the battles we fought to get the permission to have the kayaks in this pool.  Jason noticed I was eying them and swam over. "You should go ask if you can give it a try", he said with a smile. "Do you think you can still roll?" Oh yeah! Well...no. Probably not while this pregnant. I might not be able to lean back far enough. Who am I kidding? There's no way I could get the neoprene skirt on. But even more importantly, I realized that's not my world anymore. I was probably never that good anyway. The days of student involvement, grand outdoor adventures, and changing the world one university policy at a time have passed. I felt that very poignantly as I watched the kayakers paddle around from across the pool, my little boy propped on the side of my pregnant belly.

Once Ry and Mason's lips started turning purple we decided to call it a night. As we prepared to leave I spotted a few women from my neighborhood coming in. I swam over to say hi. After the normal pleasantries they said they were there to do water aerobics and invited me to join them. My first impulse was interest, thinking "hey that might be fun and it could really help my joints". My next reaction was repulsion and I wanted to shout "Achy joints? I won't be pregnant forever. I can roll a kayak! I don't belong on your side of the pool". My actual vocal response was a smile and "Thanks. I'm done for tonight but I'll keep that in mind". The truth is, water aerobics probably isn't my thing. But it would be nice to get to know the neighbors better. And it's sort of what's next you know?

I don't know what this essay is really about. Changing? Aging? How pregnancy makes you crazy? I certainly had an Ebeneezer moment seeing myself as I used to be, as I am, and what the future holds.

I really don't have anything against water aerobics, but if I find myself part of that group some day I swear not to bring jazzed up Celine Dion music to bounce to. Even I have my limits.

Words of the Week

I thought I saw a sign that read "All you can eat triplets".
I think I need more sleep.

Salute

Here's my belated writings about Veteran's Day. I tried just putting it out of my mind but I guess it needs to be written.

I'm always thankful to those that serve in the armed forces. The reasons for war are debatable, but you can't argue the sacrifice that the men and women make. I don't have much of a family history of servicemen; we're farmers. Jason's family is different. He comes from generations of veterans. Also, three of the five boys in his family have joined the military. It affects me more poignantly having these personal connections.

Patriotism has been on my mind a lot lately. Our country feels less and less like the promised land. I typically tune out when my brothers start ranting about government and politics, but I'm realizing I can't afford to not pay attention to what's going on in the world. It's easier to be blissfully ignorant but, as my brother Dave phrased it, "This is a time for us, the sleepy public, to become fully aware of and accountable for our government and where we want the current power struggle to end up."

Jason taught our scouts about the flag, what it stands for, and how to respectfully handle it. To teach them about how to properly fold it, he got out a flag that his brother Jeff gave him. While Jeff was serving in Iraq he carried a series of flags on him and gave one to each of his brothers when he returned home. After scouts, Mason wanted to play with the flag and we tried teaching him to not let it touch the ground. "It's special", we told him.

On the Sunday before Veteran's Day we attended the Master Singer's Concert. This year they spotlighted the veterans of World War II. The concert was good, as always, but one of the first numbers did me in, as always. They play the songs of the armed forces and those that served in that branch of the military, or their surviving spouse, stand to be honored. It's very moving to see these elderly men and women slowly stand up, bracing themselves on the seat back in front of them while the upbeat music is accompanied by the cheering crowd. We will never know or understand what it means to be at war unless we experience what these soldiers experienced. How can we criticize them? The Master Singers also sang Bring Him Home from Les Miserables with one line pleading "He's only a boy". Boys enlisted. Boys became men. Those boys were so much older that the boys of this new generation.

I was the kid on the back row, holding my own little boy, and bawling my eyes out. I don't know war, I don't understand politics, and I haven't had to give up anything for my easy life. Do I really know freedom?

Parowan Gap

Kristi rounded us up for a little field trip to Parowan Gap. She needed to go for her Geology class, Dad loves to go do anything with rocks or history, Nate is always up for an adventure, and Jason and I are always happy to be outside.



In addition to the petroglyphs we went and found the dinosaur tracks.
In this picture of Mason there are two really big tracks by his left foot.

Mitchell Arch Success

I told Nate about the arch I just couldn't find. "We should go look for it" said I. "Let's go tomorrow" said he. And that's how you get things done!

I'll confess it felt a little bit like cheating to go exploring with a GPS but it sure was satisfying to finally find Mitchell Arch after looking for it over a span of years. It was almost frustrating to see how close we had been searching for it compared to the actual location. We were so close! The short hike felt a little strenuous for me being this pregnant (and out of shape) but it felt so good to be out in the fresh air and wilderness. It's a chunky arch but still really beautiful. The whole area has really neat rock formations and boulders. I'm stoked to finally check this one off the list.

Nate, Casey, and Jason on top. The bottom right corner of the picture is the hole of the arch.

Jason, Mason, and I.

Casey. Ever the climber of precarious positions. Ever the poser.

Words of the Week Dedicated

I suspect I'm supposed to be learning something this week. On Sunday every lesson in church was about gratitude. The closing song was particularly beautiful and touching. As I sang the words I realized this song was the anthem of my parents' life. They live lives of gratitude and instinctively share their blessings with those around them.

So here are the words of the week, dedicated to my dad and mom.

Because I have been given much, I too must give.

Because of thy great bounty, Lord each day I live.

I shall divide my gifts from thee with every brother that I see,

who has the need of help from me.

Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care…

I cannot see another’s lack and I not share-

my glowing fire, my loaf of bread-my roof’s safe shelter over head,

that he too may be comforted.

Because I have been blessed by thy great love dear Lord,

I’ll share thy love again according to thy word.

I shall give love to those in need. I’ll show that love by word and deed,

thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed.

LOVE THIS

Why first time moms lose their mind

Great Life

My cousin Misty wrote about why life is going great for her. She listed things that she's doing to make it happen. I'm at a point in my pregnancy that I'm not making ANYTHING happen. Yet, life is great. She got me thinking about why. So here's what I find GREAT:

Nature's Confetti: Today while on a walk I showed Mason a beautiful bright yellow tree. While we watched, the wind started blowing and plucked most of the leaves off the tree and swirled them around us.

Incredibly Romantic: My charming husband does very romantic things for me. Like vacuum the stairs, buy extra trays for the dehydrator, compliment my chop-job hair cut, and let me go a little crazy on food storage purchases. I'm not being sarcastic, it's sexy. He knows just what to do to make me feel loved.

Tongue in Cheek: I ate pineapple until my mouth was sore and then I ate a little bit more. It was THAT good.

Naughty or Nice: All shopping for Mason's Christmas is complete. Does Lucky need presents or is the gift of life enough? Stockings need to be made for the boys but that's just plain fun.  

What a Jerk: That dang deer is finally cut up in pieces, frozen or dried. We made enough jerky to feed an army. I will have a difficult time eating red meat for a while. But it's done. We did it.

Group Hug: Jason and I are both very lucky. We come from huge families. Our siblings hardly fight. We all try to help each other. We all love and support each other. THAT's what families are for. 

Crackalacka: My dear chiropractor makes life great. Not entirely pain free but so much better. 

My Sunshine Boy: I'm not sleeping so great so I tend to sleep in. That means my days start with Mason bursting into the room saying "The sunshine is up! Mommy get up!" (even if it's still more dark than light). It's a wonderful way to start the day. 

Thanksgiving: I love this time of year when things become so cozy. I love the colors, the smells, the family gatherings, and the weather. I especially love that we have a holiday to focus on what we are blessed with. It's easy to dwell on what we are NEEDful of, so it's wonderful that we can stop to think of what we are GRATEful for. 

(thanks Misty. I needed this)

Bargain Babies

So I know I am a sucker for a "good deal". Jason and I are both that way. It doesn't matter what you are selling, I won't even want it until you tell me that the usual price is so much higher. Something happens in my brain that says "Oh, that's like making $20!" instead of focusing on the fact that I am still spending $40 on something I didn't know I needed :)

But I do love getting those good deals. Couponing has become one of my favorite hobbies. There are a lot of ways to save a little here and there. It gets addictive. One big expense we have coming up is the new baby. I just figured there's not a lot of ways to cut costs when it comes to babies. Trust me. I've spent too much time in the diaper aisle at the store calculating which wet wipes to get. They are about 1 cent per wipe, but the kind I like are almost 2 cents. Choices choices.

The baby bills can really add up, especially if you are in our shoes and don't have insurance. It's stressful knowing that a few complications can wipe out our baby fund and the rest of our savings as well. It's a really difficult situation and is only feasible through a lot of prayer and faith.


At the risk of sounding like a bargain extremist, I'd like to present my latest list...

Ash's Advice for Bargain Babies

Here's the small print. For entertainment purposes only.  Obviously it'd be best to have insurance...double insurance even. Obviously I would never intentionally do anything to jeopardize our health and I try not to knowingly do anything illegal. If I end up needing to make big scary decisions with this birth, I won't be using saving money as a factor. 

• Ask your hospital about discounts and financial assistance. It's awkward for me but it's worth it. Check out all the programs out there, even if you don't qualify, it's worth checking. Just for being private pay and just for prepaying we get a WHOPPING 40% discount at our hospital. That's going to save us thousands.

• Ask your provider about discounts. Again, awkward. Mine gives a 20% discount if you settle your account before delivery. Add a few hundred bucks to the piggy bank.

• Ask if (fillintheblank) is medically necessary. This one didn't start out as anything to do with savings. I just started paying attention. Yes I do need that pricey Rhogam shot, but no I don't need that HIV screening. Or that pap smear. Or that additional supplement because I've altered my diet. Or even that IV during delivery. Sometimes people in the medical field get used to doing the same thing over and over. Great, but not really a good reason for unnecessary tests or medications. Almost every time I've questioned something, I've been given alternatives or been told it's fine to skip it. Or I've been given more information that helps me understand the need to do it. 

• Mmmm...self medicate. This one gets tricky because you have to be proactive and responsible (heaven forbid). Let's say you would like some pain relief after your child is born. Did you know that the Extra Strength Tylenol they give you is the same stuff you can buy at the store!? Shocking, I know. The only difference is the huge price tag. So instead of taking one $8 pills from the hospital pharmacy administered by a nurse and charted (and BILLED for her hard work) you could just open your own bottle and take one. Crazy right? This actually works for any medication you might need. I already have a range of prescriptions for what I think I'll be needing depending on my pain level. Work with your provider so that you are definitely taking the right thing at the right intervals. I will be in charge of my medicine schedule. Another perk: the hospital staff will have one less reason to interrupt my rest!

• Nursing. (I blush when I say breastfeed) I'm a huge advocate of nursing. The benefits are amazing. Ironically, I wasn't very successful at it with my first baby. I know first hand how expensive formula can be. There are many reasons people can't nurse. But if you can, do it! If for no other reason than to save on months and months of food (and look at that, the baby gets all the other awesome benefits anyway!). 

• Back to meds: call around to get prices before you take your prescriptions to any pharmacy. There is a prescription I have to take early in my pregnancies. I filled it at my usual pharmacy without thinking. Then I went to pay and was blown away at the cost. My Doc told me to try a small local pharmacy. They filled the same prescription for about  1/4th of the cost. It goes beyond using generic, they were able to compound their own pills. Still safe and effective. Way lower price tag.

I think that's it for now. Of course I could add home births, not using diapers, or not having kids to the list. Sometimes we are able to save big and other times we pinch our pennies. I'll keep doing it to save up for those expensive wet wipes! If anyone sees a buy one baby get one free coupon, let me know.