this week's excuse

I keep declaring "this is the week I'm going to get caught up on writing".
Let's see.
One week I got sick.
Last week Lindsey lent me a book I wanted to read.
This week Janett's house flooded- from the ceiling on down! Though they are the easiest house guests I have spent my spare time with baby Brylie and trying to imagine how in the world I'll ever handle three kids full time.

So I'm going to write a few quick things so that I have less catching up to do later.

I'm happy because I made a divine roast in my sun oven yesterday. House stayed cool. Energy was free. Food was delicious.
 
I'm tired because Mason woke up in the middle of the night (okay it was actually 11:30 so I was delighted to go back to sleep with hours of rest awaiting) acting like a total demon. As in growling and hissing his demands at me furiously. He was thirsty, but come on man, your approach is a little intense.

I'm sad because the garden isn't in. And with Jason working so much I think it's up to me. I will be very very sad if that means it's not going to happen.


I'm excited for our airport to get jets. Honestly I don't want to change aircraft and I'm very fond of the prop planes we have now. However this means my shift will change to where I'm not working at 4:30 am or getting off at midnight. I really look forward to getting more sleep.

I wish Jason was home more often. He's working overtime this week at first job and then going in to second job for three or so more hours. That's 6am to 8pm. And then sometimes I work evenings at either 8 or 10pm. This crazy schedule is temporary and I remind myself of that fact several times a day. I get especially sad when I put the kids to bed because some times that means Eli has only seen Jase when he comes home to change for about 15 minutes. It's only temporary. But I miss my husband.

Snapshot: busy busy April

I am writing...wait...this could be better.
I am "righting from the wrong" computer.
That alone starts me off in a funky "this isn't going to work" mood.
Also, the camera is dead, so this will be a picture free post, which I don't prefer.
Also, Jason is watching an interesting documentary right behind me so I am distracted.
I'm tired but I'm also tired of making myself feel guilty all the time about not recording life.
So here you go, Self, a grumpy little post with love from me to you.

This month has been nuts. I think I've been saying that since December. Perhaps since high school graduation actually.

Bro-in-law Joe was able to get a weekend home before he goes to Afghanistan. All of the Starr family converged at our house for the occasion. Also it was Easter. For one night we headed out to the desert for some early spring camping and adventuring. Though it was great fun it ended in stressful circumstances that I don't think I have the energy to expound on right now. Part of which included driving the Rhino out of the middle of no where for hours. That part was actually delightful but the cold and wind didn't help my cold much. I wish I had a better immune system. I get everything that goes around and then I'm sick forever. It's been over a week and this is the first day I feel human again.

Janett had her baby which was perfect timing with all the family in town. I love that we have room for everyone, but it got close this time. We used all but the last two bath towels. We received an exorbitant amount of towels when we were married so that's really saying something. Eva Dean stayed for the week to help with the baby. Let's be honest. That baby is a peach and hardly cries. Sometimes it's just nice to have extra time to hold babies and think about Life. Mason grew increasingly sad as each family member left.

Luckily, to cheer Mason, we were watching Jennifer's dog for the week while she visiting Jeff in AZ. I've contemplated getting a dog for the boys. They both love animals so much. This dog is especially convincing. However, it's hard to love a dog who you curse all night. She had rough nights and I think was homesick. I think we'll be waiting quite a while before we consider pets again.

This weekend was the Iron County Emergency Preparedness Expo. I was more excited for it than Christmas. Dad was on the committee, Dave was the key note speaker, and I had a booth promoting Bountiful Baskets. Though the event went a little long it was a great time. I get a bit spastic when it comes to gear anyway, but the emergency variety gets me especially giddy. On Wednesday I helped out with a Relief Society activity and did a mini workshop on 72 hour kits. It's certainly been a month focused on preparedness.

I felt like I had a lot more to write about but I guess that will pacify the guilt monster for now. I'm going to head to bed after peeking on the two little charmers across the hall.

Oh the joy, another BOY!

The third Starr boy will be making his grand entrance in August!

I'm unbelievably  

excited

happy

exhausted

overwhelmed

I only have two hands, so three kids is going to be a challenge. I was relieved to find out we're having a boy, at least we'll be in familiar territory. Hearing the news of "boy" felt just perfect.

I hardly can think of words to describe how I feel about this baby. I feel so aware of him, so bonded already. I wonder what he'll be like since the older boys were so opposite as babies. Can you have a third opposite? All I know is I keep thinking of the three amigos (and the song My Little Buttercup has been in my head nonstop) and how much I desire my sons to be best friends. 

 I love Jason's hand on my stomach pretending to feel the fluttering movement that can't be perceived from the outside. I love Mason's concern (Oh no, I don't know the new baby's name!) and his enthusiasm (daily: I am so excited for the new baby. I can't believe we're having THREE boys!). I love how Eli points out babies everywhere we go. He just about jumps for joy when near his new baby cousins. I feel a little sorrowful as I hold Eli at night and witness his vanishing infancy. I don't want him rushing into boyhood too soon. 

This pregnancy has been so different. I've not written as much as I should have, I am so very tired all the time. But Amigo has a blog of his own that I'll share soon. 

One thing I'm grateful to have learned~

I don't have to worry about having favorites.

I don't have to worry about having enough love. 

I don't have to worry about comparing my kids. 

After One, I learned about all consuming unconditional love. 

After having Two, I learned the infinite capacity of love. 

I can't wait to see what I'll learn with Three.

Just put it in the bag

This is what we worked on all weekend during General Conference. I didn't realized how out of date our 72 hour kits were until I pulled out Mason's and found diapers still inside. Then I opened ours and found food that had been expired for years. You'd think, growing up the way I did, I would have perfect 72 hour packs and be prepared for any disaster. I'm learning that it's a work in progress... and you can't stop working or preparing.


Though not perfected, I have come up with a good system to keep everything current and rotated. I started getting overwhelmed trying to find the best way to pack it all. After several calls and questions to my dad he gave me the best advice: "Just put it in the bag".

I still think it will be easier to organize once the boys are big enough to carry their own bags. I finally had to realize that one pack for all emergencies is pretty idealistic. One of my favorite achievements from this process is coming up with better basic car kit. We keep it in the closet and put it in whichever car we are headed out in for an adventure. It has all the basics and I've already used it a few times (and, here's the key, replaced what I used.)

My name is Ashley and I am a nerd.

Pine Grove Adventure Day

We spent the day out searching for a new place Jason had heard about. We explored the Wah Wahs and Indian Peaks and found some fun places to camp and explore. Our objective was to find the Pine Grove reservoir. The canyon is pretty with huge ponderosas and old mining buildings. We stopped there to picnic and climb around.  We drove until we were almost stuck and then tried some more.

We finally found the reservoir on the way out of the canyon.We'd missed it going up because I was pointing to something up on the mountain so we went right by it.

From here we could see across the valley to the Indian Peak mountain range.

(I spy Jason up in the trees)

Mason wants to know "is this cow poop?"

Poor Eli was still not feeling great. He slept most of the time.

Though Jase was hoping for Elk, I thought the antelope were awesome.  

 

When leaving the Pine Grove area Jason noticed one of our tires was low. We drove out to the main dirt road to change it. I was feeling proud of our level of preparedness, we packed extra blankets, food, water, and first aid supplies. One thing we didn't count on was a spare that didn't fit.  The surprise of not having a tire to switch out was quickly followed by the realization that we were really far out. We talked to some guys that drove by and then decided to slowly head out on the low tire. We went home a different way so that we weren't in the boon docks. We made it to the highway fine and it was still holding some air so we continued on. I texted Dad when the spotty cell service came through so he would know about where we were. Jason stopped at a ranch house and we were able to use an air compressor. The tire held all the way home and we felt lucky the problem wasn't worse. Poor Dad. He was all geared up and ready for a rescue.

All things considered it was a wonderful way to spend a spring Saturday.

vent

I give up. It's noon and I'm ready for this day to be over. Or maybe a do-over? I think I'll vent here so that when Jason gets home he will be spared from my drah-mah! I didn't sleep well. Woke up to a headache. Jason had early meetings so it's up to me to get myself and the boys to church before nine. It's not easy to do on a normal day but we also had a late night and Eli's been sick. I have to remember not to say the word hurry to Mason because he either goes into triple times slow motion or he just starts screaming. It's a crazy windy gray day so I didn't even do my hair after I showered and just let it go all Madusa like. I thought I actually pulled off an on time arrival. Then as I pulled out of the drive I realized the low tire from yesterday was completely flat. I put the boys in jackets and figured we'd walk. Jason called and came to the rescue, but we were late. Hey, the Starrs are finally here. Let's walk in late and sit in the front while the whole chapel waits and watches so the prayer can begin. Aaaand it's ward conference so the place is packed. Before I can catch my breath the boys are whining and wiggling and I'm losing hope. Eli is screaming soon so we're out in the hall. By the third hour I just quit. I pack up our bag and walk out. Then I remember I don't have a car. Well walking is good for you so we head to the trail. Too bad the shortcut to get to the trail is muddy. Shoes off. It doesn't matter. I finally think things are looking up when our infamous wind comes gusting into town. I'm certain I'm about to pull a "Marilyn" all the way home so I juggle Eli and my bad to one arm and try to hold my skirt down with the other without dropping my shoes or losing my sanity. We're almost to our street when Eli starts pulling on the hair at the back of my head. Why why why? When did he pick up that strange habit? I hope Jason remembers to pick up Mason from nursery.

I'm not sure that any of these things are particularly annoying. Shoot, that means it's me... nap time please.

a real snapshot of our life

I love coming across pictures on the camera that really capture our life. This one especially shows a lot about the men in my life.
Here's Jason. On a bike. Smiling. Being a good dad.
Here's Mason. Being silly. Wearing whatever he felt like putting on. Having fun.
Here's Eli. Crazy hair. Wanting to be part of the action. Growing up too fast.


I'm a lucky girl. 

Getting festive for St. Pats

The basement was finally ready for paint so we went bold and green for St. Patrick's. (These pictures tone down the "spring green" quite a bit.)

Just wait until you see what we paint for Easter!


{I spy Lightening McQueen underwear}

 

 

This is one of my favorite holidays so we had lots of fun getting ready throughout the week. We had company so I decided against the traditional corned beef, red potatoes, and cabbage. Instead we packed in tons of green veggies and had fajitas and quinoa salad. Oh, and spinach muffins but I had to fill them with pudding to encourage consumption.

I searched high and low for green punch. Not just any green punch but the kind from my childhood. It comes in a milk-style jug and tastes like melted popsicles. I've truly been craving it for years. I thought this would be the perfect occasion to indulge but alas, it was no where to be found. As I inquired at different grocery stores I gathered it may have been off the shelves for the years. I was tempted to buy as many green popsicles as I could find and try to recreate the flavor but gave in and just made lemonade. 

the boys

It's really hard to get pictures of both the boys. Inevitably one will be looking away or moving too fast or screaming at the other one for whatever reason. I tried and tried to get pictures of them. No success. So I waited until they were just hanging out. Mason is playing on the iPod; Eli is playing with my lens cap. You can see about half of each of their faces. Close enough.

Also, I love toes. 


I

I'll blog if you blog

Lindsey says we need to write more. I'll admit I am still catching up from last year and post dating like crazy. I have a lot of work to do. But I also pointed out that she hasn't really posted since returning to the states. Exactly, she says. So we blog.

For the record I hate the word blog. It sounds like a yucky cold symptom. As in "he sounded so blogged up when I talked to him on the phone." Or it could be a description for when you are feeling scrubby. As in "I ran to the store after working out. I looked like a total blog when I ran into an old boyfriend."

As usual though, I am having a hard time feeling inspired with this forced writing feeling. I have some good topics I want to write about, but I'm just not feeling it right now. So what else?

Well, for starters I am writing in the bathroom. (ew, that's so bloggy). Jason and Mason are out exploring in the rhino with the Johnson boys. Later they are all going to a basketball game at the University. I started trimming Eli's hair until I felt regretful and stopped. Now he's in the bath and I'm typing and supervising. Most people would see Eli and be of the opinion that his shaggy hair is still in need of a trim. At least now it's out of his eyes and not past his neck anymore. Eli started hating the bath a few days ago. Today I put him in first and then turned on the water. It seems to have done the trick and he's contentedly playing.

I can always write about food. I made Hawaiian haystacks last night for the first time. I've been craving leftovers all day. Actually all night as well. I worked until midnight and when I got home I had a serious debate with myself about eating again at that late hour. I guess I lost since I went to bed without. Janett and Brady came over for dinner and brought delicious homemade strawberry lemonade. It was amazing. I wonder if it is normal to love food so much.

A while back we had a Chinese dinner complete with chop sticks and fortune cookies. It is fun to have Mason grown up enough to be interested when I show him where China is on the map and to talk about different cultural things. Eli devoured each egg rolls in two bites. He is an eating machine.  Mason earnestly tried to use the chop sticks. He is so determined. They make dinner time entertaining, that is when I'm not pulling out my hair in frustration as Eli stuffs his face and makes a huge mess and Mason eats like a bird and just wants to be done.

*Eli is putting his face under the running water and then looking at me and acting shocked until I laugh. Then he smiles and laughs and does it again.*

Mason's favorite food is Otter Pops. He asks to have two, which I don't let him because one always melts and makes a mess. So now he asks for "two but one at a time". I can be okay with that. He will bring me an Otter Pop, scissors, and a wash cloth. My job is to cut it open and then wrap it up so his hands don't freeze.

Here's a food picture for you. We had extra cottage cheese left over from making stuffed shells. Eli had eaten everything else in the house so I dished some up for him. Cottage cheese is not a food I can eat plain and feeding him was making me gag. Mason offered to help out and cheerfully fed his little brother.

In unrelated news, I decided to give up being a slacker mom for Lent. It's a bit harder to track than other years when I've given up meat or chocolate but it needs to be done. The other day Mason came in while I was reading my scriptures and asked what I was reading about. "Robbers". What are they stealing, he asked. It suddenly occurred to me that he is old enough to read what I read, not just the basic scripture stories that we stick to. So he sat with me while I paraphrased each verse into understandable words. I decided we need to do it together every day. The next day we got to the part where the bad guy is hung in a tree. I hesitated there since that's pretty violent for a 3 year old. Mason didn't seem bothered by it, asked a couple questions, and then asked "then what?"

Mason likes the story of Samuel the Lamanite and will flip to that picture in his scriptures. He will show me the bad guys that are shooting arrows, laugh, and say "but they missed" like it's the biggest joke.

We went out to Three Peaks yesterday. Despite the rough offroading in the rhino, Mason quickly fell asleep in the back. Even Eli dozed off and on. After a couple hours we got out to play on the rocks. I love the cool rock formations we have in this area.

During one of my early psychology classes at college I learned about how Australian aborigines would just take off into the bush. Walkabouts, as they are called, involved few supplies, solitude, and introspection. They were both spiritual journeys and tests of survival. The goal was enlightenment and self actualization. Okay, I don't know how much of this is the white man's opinion on what was happening, but I fell in love with this idea and started planning my adventure. I picked an area out west of town in the desert and planned to be gone 3-4 days. I figured I'd take a knife and some kind of empty water container and that's it. I learned about edible plants, shelters, and how to create a green house effect on desert plants to create enough condensation to get drinking water. I added a plastic bag to my supply list. I spent time thinking about the dangers of rattlesnakes, big cats, and dehydration. I couldn't wait. And then- I didn't do it. I never actually decided against it. I simply didn't do it. I didn't make time for it or schedule it in. (side note: scheduling a walkabout is probably not how it's supposed to happen, but I didn't want to freak out my family, co workers, and roommates by just wandering off). Life went on. I got engaged, married, and then we started moving all over the nation. Had a baby. Then another.

Yesterday I sat on the knobby rock watching hawks float above me while the spring sun unsuccessfully tried to warm me up. I eyed a little indent in one of the rock formations and started planning on how I could turn it into a shelter if I had picked this spot as my temporary desert home. I considered a small muddy section of ground that was moistened by water seeping from the rock and wondered how late into the season it would stay wet. Suddenly I realized that I will never have my walkabout. I will never live alone in the desolation, even for a few days. I will not have hours of silence to think about my life and my purpose. This new life is the adventure I have chosen. And you don't wander away from your family in hopes of achieving some greater understanding of life. You stay in the trenches and grow in ways you never dreamed possible. I have discovered so much about myself by how I handle the 100th time a kid throws food across the room. I see the world so differently just by looking through a child's eyes. I hope someday my family will be interested in doing survival trips together. Until that day, just getting to church on time feels pretty extreme. 

I thought I was done on this topic but there is a little voice in my head that keeps whispering "But you did leave them. You do value your own adventures more than anything, even being together."

I don't know how to explain this, but it's partly true. I do leave sometimes. I didn't intentionally plan it this way, but when each of my babies was around 10 months old, I left. As in, out of the country left. When Mason was a baby we went to Ireland. And a few months back I left baby Eli and when to The Netherlands. Is it any different? I wouldn't say they were abandoned in any way. Both times my mom took the baby and this latest time Jason took Mason to a family reunion at the lake. I wouldn't even say that I "needed to get away". It was more like there was an opportunity that I didn't think would present itself again. Is it any different? Is traveling to the other side of the world any better than walking out into the wilderness? All things considered it might be safer to stay local and camp out compared to so much travel, transportation, strange cities, language barriers,  and sleeping in airports as I tried to get back. Is it any different? I like to think it is. Even though I do leave, I cannot wait to get back. I value adventure and travel, but not more than being together. When my family is not together it physically hurts. I suppose the question is will I do it again?

So there we go. Haircuts and boys. Food and robbers. Rocks and airplanes. That is a pretty good snapshot of my life. 

Three Peaks fun day

Jason got a half day off work. We wanted to make the most of the rare wonderful spring weather so we did our favorite thing: we headed out to explore.

We went to Three Peaks in the rhino. It was still pretty chilly so we did our best to bundle up the boys.  For most of the time Eli dozed while I wore him in a baby sling, covered in a coat and blanket.

When he was up and wanting to be looking around, we found the best way was to squish in the backseat while Jason drove (like a mad man). My job is to make sure they don't smash their melons together. I was surprised at how content the kids are when we are out driving around. Mason sleeps or just hangs out. They do really well. But every now and then they need to run around. After a while we stopped to stretch and we climbed around on rocks. Mason and Jason played Marco Polo and we laughed and laughed as Mason yelled "pollo", pronouncing it like you would in Spanish. By the end of the afternoon the boys just wanted to sit and throw rocks while we loaded up.

Quinns

Mason (and Eli of course) got a new baby cousin last week. Andy and Emily are the proud parent's of Little Avery Quinn. Mason is proud to share her middle name. Auntie Ashley is just bummed she had a cold the whole time they were in town and didn't get to hold her.

love Love Day

Valentines Day will forever be one of my favorite days of the year. Not the dumb commercial stuff or obligatory gifts. We skip that stuff and just focus on the LOVE.  I love it. I love telling people I love them. I have a lot of love going on. And as Mason often asks "why do we have so many families?".  I feel one of our biggest blessings is an abundance of people to love and to be loved by.

Love Mason's pure glee as he got his first class valentines. We made cute "smarty pants" valentines for him but I forgot to take a picture.

Love doing projects with the kids for every occasion. And double love the use of vegetables.

Love how a pad of heart shaped sticky notes is all it takes to 1. make a boy happy and 2. decorate the house.

Love monkeys. Of course.

Love food. This year we went for appetizers and made stuffed mushrooms, twice baked potatoes, deviled eggs, stuffed shells, and grilled eggplant. Some days you just need to use up the produce :)

And love babies in boots. Nothin' but boots.

Where are the pictures of my main man? I don't know. I think I have some good ones of him covered in drywall dust, which is his latest fashion. I'll post them in a bit.

Love to all,
ash

Kids, Weather, and Questions

One day they're playing with the neighbors in the snow... five days later...playing in the mud.

Ready?

Are you all alive?

 

Tasty?

Is it almost spring yet?
Is that my whisk?

Tasty??

MEDIC! (for scouts)

We asked our friend Brian if he wouldh help us with some first aid instruction for our scouts. Brian went above and beyond! Not only did he do a great job teaching the boys, he also brought CPR dummies, and an ambulance. Yeah, that's right. Le-GIT!

Here he is strapping Ezra in. That kid didn't want to ever get up.

Mason was completely engrossed with everything Brian did or said. He was quiet and so well behaved. (Later I had to talk to Mason about somethings that he took too literally or didn't understand.) 

 

Since their brother was getting the tour, I had to grab the girls and invite them to the party.

Dauvey Doo and Mason Magoo.

THANK YOU SO MUCH BRIAN!
Also, thanks to funny neighbors who overreact at the sight of an ambulance.