working hard... or hardly working

"I went through that!"

The sled

Here's what Jason's been up to. He's not the type that is easily unemployed. He just has to keep busy doing something. He's doing odd jobs here and there, but mostly he keeps busy doing snowmobile tours up at Brian Head. The job is a good fit for him because he enjoys being outside, being physically active, and interacting with people. He hurt his back a couple times getting customers unstuck and the tips aren't as good as he hoped (and as I think he deserves) but it has still been a fun thing for him to get to do.

Snow capped Cedar Breaks

and this is why it always takes him a long time to get home at night

there's one born every minute

I have a weakness. I know, it's crazy to hear it, but it's true. Luckily, there's only one. This weakness has been especially prevalent in my life lately because of the hours I keep. My name is Ashley and I'm a sucker for infomercials.

I get up a few times every night and if I'm having a really hard time staying awake enough to hold my baby then I turn on the TV. The top viewing options at these crazy hours include The Weather Channel, one of those overly dramatic cooking competitions on The Food Network, or re runs of Dr. Phil. OR...I can pick from one of dozens of channels with happy people, upbeat music, and unbelievable products and yes they just happen to be having "the best price ever" "for a limited time". At first glance I think "who in the world would ever want to pay money for that?". Then I find myself still watching testimonials ten minutes later. Then I think, "well I would never pay that price" right about the time they say "call now and we'll slash that price in half". I don't really need it, I tell myself. BUT THEN, they offer TWO for the price of ONE. By the time I hear the words "But WAIT, call in the next five minutes and we'll throw in these perfectly useless pieces of junk ABSOLUTELY FREE!" I am scrambling for my cell phone and credit card.

Truthfully I've only ever bought one thing off of a TV add and that was a BumpIt. Just kidding, but I ordered a Pilates DVD once.

The commercial that really draws me in is the presentation for the Magic Bullet. It really is magic. I've been so tempted to buy one...I want to make all those awesome smoothies/sauces/chicken salads/salsas/omelets in just "one...two...three pulses and it's done!". The kicker? I already own one! But I don't think mine is magic because mine only makes smoothies :) You know a company is good if they can sell you on something you already have.

BUT WAIT! They've come up with a new product that I.JUST.HAVE.TO.HAVE! Presenting the Baby Bullet (yes, I'm pro-gun, but no, this has nothing to do with my toddler's right to bear arms). With a Baby Bullet you can make and store organic baby food in under five minutes. I'm pretty sure I will fail as a mother if I don't obtain this product. It doesn't matter that my current Magic Bullet, or the blender in the cupboard, or even my hands and a fork for that matter, can do the same thing. This comes with cute little cups with cute little smiley faces on them. The freezer container thing is pretty cool too.

I'm not really going to buy the Baby Bullet. Or Hip Hop Abs. Or Wen. Or make up made from dirt. Or the vacuum that can suck up small pets. Or 1,000 secrets doctors won't tell you (but I will for $50). But I am SO going to keep watching. And in the morning I'll be glad I was too bleary eyed to make out that 1-800 number.

Words of the Week from Guernsey

When I had one kid I gave up sleep, reading, and making homemade bread. Now I have two kids and these things have miraculously become possible again (okay, not so much sleeping but I don't seem to need it as badly). It doesn't make sense, but I'm not going to question it.

Thank you Lindsey for lending me your copy of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society. Here are my favorite lines:

• Reading good books ruins you for enjoying bad books.

• I think you learn more if you're laughing at the same time. 

• My worries travel about my head on their well worn paths, and it's a relief to put them on paper.

• I can't think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can't talk to, or worse, someone I can't be silent with.

the view from here

These are the thing I spend my days looking at:


1. Lucky Eli in a sling. I love having him close and also having two free hands. (thanks again Misty)

2. Mason playing in the backyard by himself. Sad, huh? Juggling the needs of the two boys is tricky. So I put Mason in the backyard and watch him from my open bedroom window while nursing Eli covered in blankets to keep covered from the cold air.

3. One of my "keep busy" projects. I've found it helps to have something to work on when we're up late at night or when I'm feeling less than productive. I've been working on converting all my home videos from VHS to DVD. My dresser is a jumble of cords and electronics.

4. Here's Mr. E giving me one of those looks. I spy the laptop on the bed. I'm on it a lot when I'm sitting around doing nothing (ha! I mean nursing all the time).

5. A view I need to see more often. The weather has been so cold that I don't dare take the kids out much lately. Thank heavens for the treadmill...Mason likes to take a turn and the sound puts Eli right to sleep.

6. Mace Face flashing that smile that melts me every time.

"he tangata"

At first I thought it was the holidays, then I thought it was the new baby. At last I've realized it's providence that I've been so fortunate to be surrounded by very very good people. My life has entered into a serene season. We stay in and keep the days simple. The quiet is only interrupted by visits from good people, and they are not interruptions at all. I'm quite content with life as it is, but spending time with family, friends, and neighbors adds to the abundance until truly my cup runneth over.

I feel like I have had a steady stream of enjoyable encounters for several weeks. Family from both sides have come to meet their newest relation. Neighbors and church members have called in person or on the phone. We meet up with friends as we're able or more often have long conversations on the phone. 

I especially enjoyed span of time full of some of my favorite females. I usually have more male friends but my few female friends I'm very close to. My soul sister Lindsey gave me some of her limited time before her last semester started. Then my sister Amy flew in to have a "sleepover" with Eli. As soon as she left and I was feeling forlorn my cousin Misty came for the weekend. All this was accentuated by calls and chats with my mom and other sisters. At one point in the past few weeks a close family friend Bonnie was visiting with her family when several of my family members came over. They apologized for the crowd and though my house was full my heart was filled also. 

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not very good at staying in touch. I love that I have people in my life that forgive that flaw. I'm grateful for the relationships that are strong and close despite the lack of time and nurturing that they deserve. I'm so lucky to have fellow young mom/friends that I can call for advice or commiserate over sleepless nights with.

Every chance meeting, every thoughtful call, every offer to help has felt like a tremendous blessing. All this reminds me of this Maori proverb:

He aha te mea nui o te ao? Maki e ki atu, he tangata, he tangata, he tangata. 

 What are the important things of the world? I reply forcefully, the people, the people, the people.

And since this is a lot of writing I thought I should add a picture. For lack of anything better, here are two from when I was a camp counselor in Connecticut with Misty in 2003.

The first is the Art Shack. I spent my time here and in the ceramics studio.
Each year the counselor got to paint a panel however they chose.

I chose that saying in honor of the amazing friends we made from all over the world.

Tuned up

A while ago my uncle decided to move into my mom's childhood home. There was a lot of sorting and cleaning out to be done. My mom asked for her piano. It was given to her by her parents when she was about ten years old. When I was a kid we were never allowed to play it and it eventually fell into disrepair. Mom asked me if I would keep the piano at my house, which I was more than delighted to consent to.

My uncles brought it to town in the back of a truck. We called up a bunch of "muscles" to help get it my house. Then Mom found a piano repairman to assess the damage. Every single key had fallen which meant every broken piece had to be fixed along with a lot of other repairs. At last it was restored to it's original, working condition.

It's been a long time since I've played. I was never very good but it's still disappointing to see how much ability I've lost, but also surprising to see what my fingers remember. I struggle through new music but I can still play some of my beautiful old recital pieces from memory.

Most of all I love having it in my home. I love to think of my mother sitting at the piano as a girl. I think about my Grandpa carefully reconstructing and painting the bench. I think of all that this instrument has witnessed over the years, the hours of practicing, the music performed, and the memories made. At my Grandma and Grandpa's house it was covered in photos of the family. I feel really honored to have it at my house.

So I practice. Jason asks me to keep playing. Mason sings while I plunk out "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". And baby Eli stops fussing when I hold him close and play one handed.

This is why I smile:

mom-be-zombie

My life goes like this. We're up all day like normal life. Eli sleeps a lot and deeply. This means more one on one time with Mason and more time to easily get things done around the house. As the day comes to a close, Mason goes to bed and we say goodnight to Jason. And then Eli is up for the night. He's not too fussy, just awake and alert and not in the mood to sleep. So we migrate around the house, both of us dozing off for a few minutes here and there. Eventually morning approaches and Eli winds down. About the time he sacks out for a long nap, Mason wakes up. Sometimes we can convince him to crawl in bed and cuddle with us, but more often he's hungry and ready for breakfast.

One of the strangest parts of this schedule is "getting ready for the day" when I still haven't really slept. It is still hard to juggle two kids at times but for the most part this schedule provides the most one on one time with each of them.

The down side? Not much sleep. When Jason isn't headed up the mountain to do snowmobile tours he helps me get a little nap, but I'm a light sleeper and the kids usually need me sooner than later. I am amazed at how our bodies adapt. I've never been a good sleeper and I usually spend half the night trying to fall asleep. Nowadays if I sit still for more than three minutes I fall asleep without meaning to. I can sleep in some of the most awkward positions and with kids heaped all over me. Like last night. I spent an hour and a half mostly sleeping, on the couch, with each of the boys nestled in under each arm. No one even fell off. I finally got up, feeling a bit rested, with two numb arms.

I started wondering how much a body can take though. I've been amazed at how well I was functioning on such little sleep and wondered at what point it would start to be too little for too long. The answer is 17 days. That's when I started having major brain malfunctions. I was up with Eli a lot that 17th night but I couldn't for the life of me remember when I fed him last. I was trying to add three hours to eleven pm and couldn't figure out about when he should be fed next. I wear a ring to help me remember which side to start nursing on next and I spent half the night staring at my thumbs trying to remember what that ring was on my right thumb for. I often call Eli "Mason" by mistake but that night was really bad. I kept telling myself not to call him Mason, but the word Eli was gone from my vocabulary. At one point I heard myself saying "Hey little Milo, mommy's here". Milo? It is a good mix of Mason and Eli...But MILO?

Hopefully this brain damage is reversible and someday...like in 25 years...I can catch up on my sleep. Until then, if I act really stupid or like a zombie, it's because I am.

Mason, eating my brain.Actually he's trying to plug the iPod charger into my head. I wish it worked like that.

 

baby boys

First off, I'm not a big anything to do with sports baseball fan, but I do adore this outfit. Mostly, I adore the babies that wear it.

Mason

Eli

Every time I insist Mason and Eli don't look alike, Jason shows me a picture or two and then I have to admit I'm mistaken.

Ego

I've always wanted to change the world. To really really make a difference. Cure AIDS, save the children, find the secret to happiness, end hunger, and accomplish world peace.

That's what motherhood is. I had this same feeling with my first child but had forgotten about it until I had my second child. The feeling of accomplishment is overwhelming. I hold my baby in my arms and feel that this gift to the world is my "difference". If bringing him into the world is the only good thing I ever do, it is enough. I could die happy now, completely fulfilled.

Mormon take on the Nativity

Christmas has come and gone. I'd certainly say it was the most low key, non stressful, easy holiday season I've experienced in my life (okay, "adult life: since things don't get too stressful when you are seven and asking for a Beauty and the Beast sleeping bag). With the impending arrival of our second child, I had Christmas preparations done weeks in advance.

Eli was born a few days early and life has been all about babies, home, family, Christ, and service. My mind has explored some obscure trains of thought as I sit up with our night owl baby. The two of us gaze at the glowing Christmas tree in the silent hours before dawn. In my almost drunken state from lack of sleep, I've pondered life and what my purpose is, the strength and importance of family, and how lovely it is to hunker down at home and be separated from the craziness of life. Mostly I just look at the faces of my boys, checking on those that are sweetly sleeping, and adoring the bright eyed little boy in my arms.

On Christmas Eve I kept myself entertained for hours creating a parody of "if the Mormons were at the Nativity".


I don't mean to be disrespectful about my religion, but it's always entertaining to poke fun at our unique culture. The whole reason I started coming up with the parody in the first place is because my ward has been absolutely amazing to us. They brought us meals for a week. We had visitors, phone calls, and gifts from dozens of well-wishers. Our good news and the crazy story that accompanies it was already wide spread by they time Jason went to church three days later (so only a little clarification of the facts was needed).

I wish I remembered it all, but here's what my foggy brain retained:

When Mary and Joseph arrived in Bethlehem there wouldn't have been the "No room in he inn" situation. Their bishop from their Nazarene ward would have called ahead to let the ward know that they were coming. Indeed,  the Elders Quorum would have been ready and waiting to help them move into their new place. When it was found out they were staying in the stable, they would have received dozens of offers of homes they could stay in. When they refused, they would have been praised for their emergency preparedness and "pioneer spirit". The young men would have come together to clean the stable as a service project and one would have made the manger for his Eagle Scout. 

The Christ child wouldn't have been wrapped in swaddling clothes, but rather hand knitted outfits made by the compassionate service committee that they just happened to have on hand. The angel wouldn't have been needed to tell the shepherds about his birth for it would have been covered in ward counsel, the ward newsletter, and even the Relief Society blog. The three wise men would have been the Relief Society presidency, bringing gifts of lime jello casserole, a three month supply of food storage, and completed family history for both sides of the family.

When Joseph had his dream to flee to Egypt it wouldn't have been a scary-flee-in-the-night type of move. Some one's family would already be headed that way and would generously offer to take the little family with them in their 15 passenger van. They would sing Primary songs along the way, munch on homemade trail mix, and already have callings when they arrived.

reason #47 I love my family

What? What does your family do when they get together for the holidays?

Nesting

I've always thought that the "nesting instinct" was similar to pregnancy cravings, or colic; a term that is thrown at every similar characteristic. The words are used too generally and given too much vague significance. Pregnant women are totally crazy but I don't think that means we should go around labeling all our behaviors. I guess I've just always been annoyed when hormones are blamed for behavior. Ladies, let's take some accountability for how we act.

Anyway... I've been going on a cleaning/organized kick around the house and Jason is certainly enjoying teasing me about nesting. Whether nesting is legit or not, the fruits of my labor are satisfying. Too bad I haven't spent more of my energy on detailing the cars or knitting baby booties.

This is how I nest :)

The Gear

The Storage Room

To be fair I alphabetized my sauce and seasoning packets. Even I smirked at myself. I call it organization meets boredom. Call it what you want.

Words of the Week on a Liberty theme

I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce, and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain. -John Adams

You have never lived, 'til you have almost died. And for those who fight for it, life has a flavor that the protected will never know." -Anonymous

The time to guard against corruption and tyranny is before they shall have gotten hold of us. It is better to keep the wolf out of the fold that to trust to drawing his teeth and talons after he shall have entered. -Thomas Jefferson

If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsel nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen. -Samuel Adams

Once we roared like lions for liberty; now we bleat like sheep for security! The solution for America's problem is not in terms of big government, but it is in big men over whom nobody stands in control but God. -Norman Vincent Peale

 

Every time the government grows we lose more of who we are. -Glenn Beck

 

Parade

I am WAAAAAY behind on...well...everything.

So here's a look back on some of our fun from early in December. We went to the Storybook Cavalcade Christmas Parade, which is ridiculously amazing for our little town. The floats and costumes are pretty dang cool. I can't remember though, what does it have to do with Christmas?



Clockwise: Here are a bunch of the Heaton clan kiddos, Noah's Ark (with a unicorn? He obviously only got one on board), our little family (Jason's mouth full of sunflower seeds) , Buzz Lightyear, and a big whale float (kids were simultaneously yelling "Jonah" and "Pinocchio")